content moments

I am content to be still in this season

spending all my moments

with a man of sorrows

and acquainted with grief

words moment

critical

dangerous

life threatening

stroke

heart failure

enlarged chambers

medicate

investigate

complete bed rest

stop everything

avoid stress

irreversible

fragile

closely monitor

emergency

referral

critical cardiac care

learning to live within the parameters of a new language

without getting lost in the words

without losing the me of me

and being defined by this new language

it is a fight worth fighting ..........

time moment

this has been a very humbling time ............
a very beautiful tender time
a very powerful time
a very broken time
a time of being touched by the shadow in the valley
and a time of watching the shadow slowly dissipate into the light ........

a time of being touched
of being held
of being cared for by strangers and by friends

a time of strangers becoming friends through their care

a time of being still
and of a deep knowing in the stillness

a time of needing to say all the unsaid things

a time of being alone but not lonely

a time of tasting the fragility of life this side of heaven

a time of hearing my name being loudly called
in a whisper
and of embracing the whispered call

a time of worship
in a time of abject weakness

a time of being served
and of learning to welcome the service and the servers

a time of being completely dependent upon others
for absolutely everything

a time of letting go of all pride
of having all control fall away

a time of being willing to be seen helpless and bare by a community
and of being surrounded by a community willing to see me helpless and bare

there is no fear in this time
no anxiousness
no worry

there is a freedom in letting go
in receiving
in being touched
in being vulnerable
in asking for help

God is in this time
His Presence IS this time
His Son and Spirit indwell this time
in the secret place of His tent He has hidden me (ps 27:5)

there is an unheard song being birthed in this time
an untried melody

yet to be formed chords
words not yet spoken

and so I release my heart
my soul
my body
my spirit
to dance to the new rhythm of this time

and I wait ..........

in stillness
and in knowing

church moment

How baffling you are, oh church, and yet how I love you!
How you have made me suffer and yet how much I owe you!
I should like to see you destroyed and yet I need your presence.
You have given me so much scandal and yet you have made me understand sanctity.
I have seen nothing in the world more devoted to obscurity, more compromised, more false and I have touched nothing more pure, more generous, more beautiful.
How often I have wanted to shut the doors of my soul in your face and how often have I prayed to die in the safety of your arms.
No, I cannot free myself from you, because I am you, although not completely.
And, where should I go?
Carlo Carretto