I was not sure why I was to be there although absolutely sure this time was orchestrated by God
one of the biggest blessings for me always is meeting others who have come because of the wooing of the Spirit and I did meet some very tender and beautiful people
those ministering were to me like broken bread and poured out wine ............
we all have our story and each story is precious - it is tempting to write our own story and I confess to have written many of my own chapters but it is ever so freeing to allow Almighty God to author all the moments of my life to relinquish to Him my deepest pains dashed dreams deferred hopes even my fears ...
I was (and remain) so moved by those who sacrificed their personal time to invest in me and I was determined to honor them and their sacrifice by being completely open to whatever the Lord should reveal or desire during the ministry times
one morning I woke up to see the sun rising over the iced lake and noted the tracks of many vehicles some tracks went in a perfectly straight line some curved around some jig jagged all over the place but at one point they all intersected
I realized that only God can write straight with the crooked lines of my life and that He directs the ones whose paths are to intersect with mine - and at each intersection point my life is enriched and my heart enlarged ...........
I love to write poetry one time I shared a poem that was very personal to me with a musician friend who set it to music causing it to become much more complete -
and I can only trust that by sharing my life God will make it too more complete and that He will be glorified and pleased with the song of me as He writes the next stanza
still learning about authority and how easily it is to slip under something unhealthy ...... simply meeting in someone's home where they have authority or being involved in a group where the leader has authority how does one submit and yet stay free and when you know absolutely know there is an unhealthiness do you leave or attempt to speak into it and if your speaking is not heard do you leave or stay
offered an opportunity to attend a conference on restoring the proper rhythm to life restoring the daily office developing the discipline of being still being silent waiting seeking solitude listening excited me added to the mix was the people I would be attending the conference with people whom I had grown to love to appreciate deeply to enjoy and think of always with great affection then I looked at my calendar and felt the rush of so many already filled days the pressure of a jam packed agenda I heard my answer of maybe early next month when a friend called to see if we could meet for coffee I felt the hypocrisy of my so-called contemplative lifestyle – days go by with no time to sit let alone contemplate- how long has been since I felt the weight of the wait …. and here I am considering yet another trip to attend yet another conference to be taught the importance of doing exactly what God has long ago asked me to do – to be still …………??????????? finally I begin to recognize the selfishness in my even considering this trip and so ………. I will bless my friends in their going I will bless the pastors holding the conference I will bless the teaching and the receiving ……….. for me I will stay home be still and wait embracing the weight of the wait
reverence usually resides in quiet places it plays with a newborn baby and it holds the hand of an old man it is found in awe it participates in ritual it gazes at a rose the object of reverence would open us to the transcendent it is not something within our power to change or control and is not a human product it is not fully comprehended even by experts the posture of reverence is seen in Rembrandt's Return of the Prodigal Son the touch the knowing of God's first love it is in holding what is dear rather than trying to manipulate our environment in the presence of reverence we allow ourselves to truly encounter the other in mystery I remember once walking into a very old, small cathedral I smelled the accumulated candle wax and lingering incense I sensed that it had long been a prayed-in place I could almost hear the subtle echoes of ancient prayers it awakened my yearning for knowing my place as a human being among the community of worshipers the face of reverence is our own self-portrait we look at ourselves and know the tender place within where the Divine dwells the key is to feel the reverence go deep and to give it away at the same time