weight moment

offered an opportunity to attend a conference on restoring the proper rhythm to life
restoring the daily office
developing the discipline of being still
being silent
waiting
seeking solitude
listening
excited me
added to the mix was the people I would be attending the conference with
people whom I had grown to love
to appreciate deeply
to enjoy and think of always with great affection
then I looked at my calendar and felt the rush of so many already filled days
the pressure of a jam packed agenda
I heard my answer of maybe early next month
when a friend called to see if we could meet for coffee
I felt the hypocrisy of my so-called contemplative lifestyle –
days go by with no time to sit
let alone contemplate-
how long has been since I felt the weight of the wait ….
and here I am considering yet another trip
to attend yet another conference
to be taught the importance of doing exactly what God has long ago asked me to do –
to be still …………???????????
finally I begin to recognize the selfishness in my even considering this trip
and so ……….
I will bless my friends in their going
I will bless the pastors holding the conference
I will bless the teaching and the receiving ………..
for me
I will stay home
be still
and wait
embracing the weight
of the wait