Friday, May 23, 2014

ask moment

First of all, refusing help denies the opportunity for someone to be Christ for another person. Deep within each one of us, God has planted a desire to make a difference. You have felt it, haven’t you? We try to scratch that itch by building careers, making our mark, or making a name for ourselves. But nothing satisfies so much as the feeling you get when you truly help another person. It’s not a fleeting pleasure like a lick from and ice cream cone. It’s lasting fulfillment brought about by knowing you are temporarily inhabiting that glorious place where the barrier between you and God is as thin as Saran Wrap.
Second, saying “no” to a helping hand denies us the opportunity to experience God’s grace. Some folks think Heaven is a place you go to when you die. I prefer to think that it’s a place that exists when a person truly experiences unconditional love. Selfless service with no strings attached.
Finally, hanging on to our burdens is like letting go of God. Trying to control everything in our lives is a recipe for failure. No matter how hard we try, we can never maintain a perfect home, a perfect marriage, or perfect health. Sure, we can put up a fa├žade, but it’s impossible. We can point ourselves in the right direction, but the wind will blow us wherever it pleases. Faith is not being certain we can handle whatever storms come our way. Faith is trusting that the family of God is there to save us from drowning in our own selfish pride.
The hands and heart of God are all around us. Tucked away in the body of our neighbors. Ready to wash over us like a cleansing rain. All you have to do is ask.

Monday, April 28, 2014

embrace moment

Death and life are in an eternal embrace

We cannot have one without the other

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

love moment

not where I breathe
     where I love
             I live

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

mirror moment

too many live in the hall of mirrors of others expectations
     of who they are ...
they live there so long
     they lose all memory of who they truly are
          lose all desire to be real

there is a death that occurs
    right while looking into those mirrors

a shattering, not of the mirror
   but of self

even to the point where the
      soundless scream of soul is silenced
         not by another
              but by self

only Love can penetrate this illusion
      and yet
         even in the new awareness
              there is a choice

allow the unwrapping of the grave clothes
        stay wrapped

the hold of the familiar,
      the known, 
         is at times
            is married to the fear of the unknown

Saturday, April 19, 2014

towel moment

now that the blood
and whispered glory of Friday is over
I have this wondering ...

why is it
that our hands
designed to nurture
find it so much easier
to grasp a nail
rather than
pick up a towel
to clench a fist
rather than open a palm

Friday, April 18, 2014

Saturday, April 12, 2014

authority moment

true spiritual authorities are located in the point of an upside-down triangle, 
supporting and holding into the light everyone they offer their leadership to

from every death comes new life, in every wound there is the opportunity for healing and hope.

if we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it

Jesus is not observing human suffering from a distance; he is somehow in human suffering with us and for us

Don’t get rid of the pain until you’ve learned its lessons

Suffering is the only thing strong enough to destabilize the imperial ego

The cross is always unto resurrection

Transformed people transform people

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

safe moment

Youre more than your hands do.
Youre more than your hands have.
Youre more than how other hands measure you. 
You are what is written on Gods Hands: 

Safe. Held. His. Beloved.

hand holding moment

Never underestimate the power of empathy: Sometimes life throws you problems you can’t solve and pain that won’t go away. Unless you are asked for advice, don’t give it. Instead, just hold their hand and ask them to tell you more about what they are feeling. You would be surprised the miracles that can emerge from simply saying “that sucks” and offering a hug.

Monday, April 07, 2014

slave moment

watched "12 years a slave" the other night ...
difficult movie to watch
made more difficult knowing it was a truth

have been pondering ever since
how we can be a slave to sin
and suffer the chains
the beatings
the death
of that enslavement

how we can be "sold" by one slave master
to another slave master
by one sin
to another sin

how we can lose our identity
and be one known by the name our new "master" gives us
drug addict

interestingly enough
our ladies group studied Lot's wife this morning
we are never told her name
simply that she looked back
and died

how often does Jesus free us
only to have us "turn back"
either in actual fact
or in a yearning moment

seeking that momentary pleasure once again
even knowing
it leads to death
either spiritually
or spiritually
or both ....

this hold true for relationships too ...
someone who you KNOW sucks you into sin
either by thought or physical act
and yet ....
there is this missing
this desire for contact
simply because the enemy knows our vulnerable hole
that wishes to be filled
by a touch
a word
a look

God help me not to turn around and look back ....

Sunday, April 06, 2014

yikes moment

Hebrews 6:7-8

Amplified Bible (AMP)
For the soil which has drunk the rain that repeatedly falls upon it and produces vegetation useful to those for whose benefit it is cultivated partakes of a blessing from God.
But if [that same soil] persistently bears thorns and thistles, it is considered worthless and near to being cursed, whose end is to be burned.
what does the soil of me produce .....
               thistles .......

Sunday moments

living loved
dwelling deep
feeling the warmth of the spring sun
hearing songs of life
feeling the pulse of the earth
aware of a quiet birthing all around me

Friday, April 04, 2014

fear moment

there was a moment
of great fear 
when I called out for help
Christ entered my dark place of fear 
and explosively worshiped the Father in it
filling that place
that corner
that tiny closed room in my spirit
with His light
with Himself
and all that He is
and suddenly
there was song ....
once again
death was conquered ...

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

freeing moment

there needs to be an uprooting of the soul 
         to free the spirit 

Monday, March 31, 2014

ordinary moment

There’s nothing in this world that’s normal — there’s only growing blind to the glory.
We don’t need more things. We need more meaning. 

Friday, March 28, 2014

thoughtful moments

 who I am and what I struggle with are not the same thing

I am who God says I am and not what I label myself

feeling my tears better enables me to feel the pain of others

just some random thoughts while fully living each moment of this day

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

wrecked moment

yesterday was tough ....

reading about how "the waste"
aborted babies
are simply thrown in the trash
and burned
to help heat the hospital
the hospital
where life is supposed to be valued

this was in England
but I wonder
if it does not happen here as well ...

and then
to learn of the violence
taking place
behind a closed door

because of drugs
that saved a life
but altered a brain

and to be in the midst of the weeping
of the brokenness
of the fear
the despair

the sun is shining brightly today
the air crisp
and yet
the fingers of darkness
encroach upon its very borders ...

and here I sit
drinking coffee
eating porridge
bubbled in my own world
with the choice
to hear
or not
the screams all around me

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Sunday, March 16, 2014

vacuum moment

for months I was dissatisfied with the performance of my central vac ...
it was heavy to push and left behind almost as much as was there before ..
the right sounds were heard
the right action was being taken
but good results simply were not there ..

finally I called one who knew how it should all work
one who knew how it was designed
and he came to take a look ...

as all the working parts were hidden inside its casing
the outer shell had to come off ..
and this revealed that some parts were not in their proper place
some parts were broken
and things were not properly aligned ...

that which was broken was fixed
that which was out of place was placed properly
that which was out of alignment was aligned

the casing replaced

the plug inserted into a power source

and the thing practically took off by itself ...
I was just along for the ride!

just like in the spiritual  ...

there can be hidden things broken
things out of alignment
things miss-placed
and it is only when we come to our Maker
the One Who designed us
and allow Him to look inside
and fix
and align
and then plug us back into His power source ...
we discover that we are simply along for the ride ..

He is the One Who does the work
and when He does it, it is done thoroughly ...

so, I wonder if
when we find ministry is hard work
we are tired of "pushing"
tired of poor results
could it be because there is a need to be checked out inside ..

even if everything looks and sounds to be alright 
when we see poor results
when we get tired in our well doing
is it time to allow Holy Spirit to take off our casing
our glittering image
and poke around inside a bit???

just a thought ...

Monday, March 10, 2014

taste moment

in our surrender
we will taste the death of the soul 
when we are asked to go a way that is against our strong desire

Thursday, March 06, 2014

prayer moment

prayer is not a matter of my calling in an attempt to get God's  attention
 but of my listening to the call of God ...
in prayer, it is God reaching out to me, speaking to me ...
when I do have sonething to say, it should be a response to His initiative...
the question of whether or not or how God answers prayer is moot ,
the real question is
do I answer,
do I respond to His always open invitation ????

was reading psalm 78:8
and was struck again by the fact our hearts are a garden, His garden,
His soil and how our hearts, just as the soil, have to be prepared to receive Him ..
as soil has to be prepred to receive a seed ..

and :29
God gave the people what they craved and lusted after ... for a time
and then He gave them His wrath

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

lent moment

A Lenten Prayer
The Lenten season begins. It is a time to be with you, Lord, in a special way, a time to pray, to fast, and thus to follow you on your way to Jerusalem, to Golgotha, and to the final victory over death.
I am still so divided. I truly want to follow you, but I also want to follow my own desires and lend an ear to the voices that speak about prestige, success, pleasure, power, and influence. Help me to become deaf to these voices and more attentive to your voice, which calls me to choose the narrow road to life.

I know that Lent is going to be a very hard time for me. The choice for your way has to be made every moment of my life. I have to choose thoughts that are your thoughts, words that are your words, and actions that are your actions. There are not times or places without choices. And I know how deeply I resist choosing you.

Please, Lord, be with me at every moment and in every place. Give me the strength and the courage to live this season faithfully, so that, when Easter comes, I will be able to taste with joy the new life that you have prepared for me. Amen.

pilgrimage moment

our pilgrimage of love, begins and deepens as we hear God murmur within out hearts: I love you just as you are. I so love you that I come to heal you and give you life. Do not be afraid. Open your hearts.

I so needed to hear these words, right this moment ...

yesterday afternoon was sad and shocking
and then to come home and find that threatening note from my sister ...

the war between light and darkness is fierce ...
very fierce

I know that the only power the enemy has over me is what I allow him to have
but knowing this does not lessen the pain ...

I actually felt the ugliness of whatever spirit is operating through my sister as I read her words ..
I actually felt the stinging of the gnostic spirit operating yesterday afternoon ..

so much pain ...

my mouth is filled with an ocean of salt from unshed tears ..

and I again focus on|

our pilgrimage of love, begins and deepens as we hear God murmur within out hearts: I love you just as you are. I so love you that I come to heal you and give you life. Do not be afraid. Open your hearts.

and I confess that I find it very very hard to pray for my sister ...

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

turkey moment

all creatures great and small
the Lord God made them all

 Displaying photo.JPG

just some are more appealing than others,
to my eyes in any case ...

and yet
I marvel at this huge bird

his colors
the pattern of his feathers
his persistence
the way he tucks a foot up
one at a time
way up into his belly feathers
and yet maintains perfect balance
on one leg

anyone can have a guard dog
we seem to have adopted a guard turkey

he stands silent
sentinal like
by the deck door

I love the kids reaction

Andrew: catch him, skin him and cook him up
Jacob: keep him as a pet so I can play with him
James: it is just not right to catch any wild animal .....

has been a fun time ....

Monday, March 03, 2014

looking back moment

if soul touches something, even if it was alive in the Spirit originally, if the soul touches it, it’s death. That’s the difference between soul and spirit; life or death, what the soul does is death.

still deeply impacted by these words. ......

looking back into events, people, ministries ....
into me ...

brings into greater focus the need for separation ...
with guarding the heart during the separation ..

reading Ecclesiastes this morning about times and seasons ..
"a time to hate"
it is always a time to hate sin, hate evil ....

loved our fellowship gathering yesterday ...
it is so obvious there is an undercurrent of something so unusual happening...
every now and again I can feel it bubble, just beneath the surface ..
even Ken mentioned that yesterday

Kent's reaction upon seeing me was "interesting" ....
personally I was happy to see him and KNOW there no longer is any bleeding .
sad "tho to hear about Henry ...
such a strong and vital man, now bent over and weak ..
with "holes in his head" .....

Sunday, March 02, 2014

aha moment

if soul touches something, even if it was alive in the Spirit originally, if the soul touches it, it’s death. That’s the difference between soul and spirit; life or death, what the soul does is death.

I have been seeing this. feeling this and understanding this ... and yet unable to express it clearly 
and this morning another said it for me .... how very very kind of God ...

on another note:

it is interesting that this gentleman who sliced me so deeply is coming to speak at our fellowship today ...  causing me to think again about the little, but powerful, book ... crucified by Christians ..
the wisdom in its pages has helped me in the past, helped me to walk through a wounding
and remain whole, helped guard my heart against any seed of bitterness, helped me escape the clutches of rejection ... and so I have been again pondering all that I learned between page 1 and "the end" ...... so profoundly important to take everything right back to the root and hear God ask " do you believe I love you?".  It is only in the KNOWING I am loved that I am able to accept the "stuff" of this journey, look deep into it to find and hear Jesus and walk out whole..... maybe bent over a bit for awhile, but whole nonetheless.

YES, Lord, I believe.
thank You.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Jean Vanier moment

this gentle man of God is able to express so clearly
what took me many months to understand ....
and thus guard against running from instead of moving into ...

Solitude does not separate me from others; it helps me love them more tenderly, realistically and attentively. I begin to distinguish between the false solitude which is a flight from others to be alone with egoism, sadness or a bruised sensitivity, and the true solitude which is communion with God and others.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Tuesday moments

have been seeing a lot lately how a need within can rule,
can cause compromise,
can cause one to sin ....

we seem to all have this huge need to be seen,
to be affirmed,
to be validated ...

causing a seeking to have this need fulfilled by another

this seeking from another is actually a using of someone
combined with an allowing of ourselves to be used

sucking life from another
life being sucked from ourselves

this is horrible
and very very strong ..

we each need the courage
the strength
the yearning desire
to open our heart in absolute trust
to open our soul
to the only One Who can fulfil
Who will affirm
Who will fill
Who gives life

we need to grip the hands of Jesus
with a ferocious tenacity

only once we recover our NO to our humanity
our fleshly flesh
can we live fully in our YES to God

God has the right to require
but He has given us the right to refuse

only I decide for what purpose I will live
and to whom I will give myself

a gift is always a gift
never can be owned
and thus always precious

and there were precious moments ....

Monday, February 24, 2014

Monday moments

interesting day .....
had an eye exam ...
with the field of vision test
and the proverbial drops ...
one to test how much I actually see
and the other to enable the tester to see deep into my eye ...

all this made me think of Jesus ..
and how much of Him I actually see during all my moments ..

and how the tear drops of repentence enables Him to see deep within ...

apparently I have a cortical cataract growing on my left eye ..
this grows like spikes from the outside in
and eventually, if not surgically dealt with, will first cloud
and then completely block my vision

to me, this is the same as looking at the wrong things,
filling my eyes with darkness,
which clouds and then eventually blinds to Light ..
the fingers of sin eventually closing over my eye

how perfectly we are made by the Maker
how wise He is
how caring He is

and this day I pray for strength, not my strength, but the strength of Jesus
to keep true, not continue to end all contact

how horribly subtle the snake was/is in the garden of that friendship ...
even now I feel his seductive pull ...

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Wednesday moments

soooo moved by these words:

I see myself now at the end of my journey, my toilsome days are ended.  I am going now to see that Head that was crowned with thorns and that Face that was spit on for me.  I have formerly lived by here-say and faith but now I go where I shall live by sight and shall be with Him in whose company I delight myself.   John Bunyan ... Pilgrim's Progress

recently read 2 books that have comforted, challenged and broken me
deep inside
Don Nori .. Romancing the Divine
Darrell Johnson ...It Is Finished ...
highly recommend both

pondering the oft blurred line between choice and obligation

the greatest and sometimes last human freedom is choosing one's attitude in any given set of circumstances and thus decide what shall become of him/her .. mentally and spiritually .... Martha's insights continually enrich me

still grieving a bit the newest separation but I know it is right
and I was stupidly slow in responding to the need to do it

attended the prayer meeting last night .. first time in the new fellowship ..
and am so blessed by the maturity, the surrendering, the wisdom, the sensitivity of those attending ... how life giving it is to be in the midst of mature hearts!
I know everything is not perfect, probably very far from perfect, but I am enjoying being in the ignorance of being new and thus ignorant of the "stuff".

able today for the first time to get my feet under me after last Friday's meeting with its sad sad news ... 
two couples, two marriages I had always looked to ... always aimed for ..
and one by one both have come apart, shattered, splintered,
so many sharp edges ....

the sun is out and I am heading into the woods!!!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

what was hidden has surfaced

how very lovely is this!

after losing contact with my blog  ...
it disappearing somewhere into the never never land of space
today I was able to tap in ....

I feel I have come home after a long lonely period of wandering ...

it is so good to drink of where I have been
rest in the now of where I am
and look to the horizon of where I will be ..

a few quick thoughts from the moments of today

we can be called yet choose not to be chosen ...

the wrath of God is a controlled but relentless, righteous reaction
to anything unrighteous
a burning zeal for the right coupled with a perfect hatred
for everything that is evil ...

so very different from the wrath of man ....

at the cross God expresses His holy wrath against Himself ....

the church must always remain a pilgrim people of God
a church of expectation and hope ...

You give everything
so I can be a gift
full of love