slave moment

watched "12 years a slave" the other night ...
difficult movie to watch
made more difficult knowing it was a truth

have been pondering ever since
how we can be a slave to sin
and suffer the chains
the beatings
the death
of that enslavement

how we can be "sold" by one slave master
to another slave master
by one sin
to another sin

how we can lose our identity
and be one known by the name our new "master" gives us
alcoholic
drug addict
adulterer
lier

interestingly enough
our ladies group studied Lot's wife this morning
we are never told her name
simply that she looked back
and died

how often does Jesus free us
only to have us "turn back"
either in actual fact
or in a yearning moment

seeking that momentary pleasure once again
even knowing
it leads to death
either spiritually
or spiritually
or both ....

this hold true for relationships too ...
someone who you KNOW sucks you into sin
either by thought or physical act
and yet ....
there is this missing
this desire for contact
simply because the enemy knows our vulnerable hole
that wishes to be filled
by a touch
a word
a look

God help me not to turn around and look back ....
ever