ashamed moment

just yesterday
I finished reading the autobiography
of one of my heroes -

I wept my way through every page .......

every page that is filled with the tender sharp edge of reality -

this lovely gentle man
who has helped countless others
find peace
acceptance
love

to learn how to love
and how to be loved

never himself has been able to dwell in that reality ...........
he has visited there
but never found a home there

never loved by his mom
never affirmed
never wanted

I so relate to his pain

and his picture at the end of the book
broke me into tiny jagged pieces ..........

sitting crookedly in a chair
with his caretaker at his side

his hired caretaker

alone from family

every day absent from a hug
a touch
a kiss

I don't understand ...........
and yet
I do

near the end of his days
he decided to be honest
with himself
and with his readers

the brutality of his honesty is piercing

makes me ashamed of me