love moments

there have been a few relationship challenges lately
that have caused me to ponder "love"

what is love
how to love
is there ever a time one should not love another
how to deal with painful love
why should love be painful
what is rejected love all about

interesting stuff to ponder
truly ponder
and as is often the case
what was revealed in my own heart
was a tad ugly ...........

I read once
"to love is to give another permission in advance
to treat you as they will"

and I do believe that is the case ........

I realized I had the choice
to simply stop loving
however
that is not the way I am wired

what I have learned about myself
is that I have been loving with expectations

expecting to be loved in return
expecting to be treated as I would treat
expecting to be respected, sheltered, cared for
expecting my love to be honored
to be treasured

and that says to me
I have been offering conditional love

I am to love UNconditionally

yesterday I was able to see the difference
and offer a love
a pure love from deep within my heart
without any conditions
without any expectations

and it was a wonderful experience

there was a beautiful freedom
for both of us
that came along with a wonderful healing

I had been mired in a muddy wound for months
sadly it was a very familiar wound
one that I have often found myself stuck in
the ruts well worn
making it harder and harder to get out of each time

yesterday
my dance returned
my feet were free
my heart full of song again

it was horrible seeing that ugly piece of my heart
and yet
I am grateful

because I love to dance
and I love to sing

I am designed to dance
and to sing .......

and to love