truth moment

I want to recover the truth

that Jesus was not crucified on an altar between two candlesticks,

but on a garbage heap at a crossroads of the world

where soldiers gambled

and cynics talked smut

George McCloud

known moments

some people may not like what I write

but those who remain will be allies

people who breathe deeply and listen

it is good to be seen completely

and loved

as I am

a beautiful wonder when

after a friend reads a piece of work-in-progress

I can say

I feel good being seen how I really am

I’m glad

I want someone to know me

my retreat was nothing like I had expected

although I really did not know what to expect -

I was not sure why I was to be there
although absolutely sure this time was orchestrated by God

one of the biggest blessings for me always
is meeting others who have come
because of the wooing of the Spirit
and I did meet some very tender and beautiful people

those ministering were
to me
like broken bread and poured out wine ............

we all have our story and each story is precious -
it is tempting to write our own story
and I confess to have written many of my own chapters
but
it is ever so freeing to allow Almighty God to author all the moments of my life
to relinquish to Him my deepest pains
dashed dreams
deferred hopes
even my fears ...

I was
(and remain)
so moved by those
who sacrificed their personal time to invest in me
and I was determined to honor them and their sacrifice
by being completely open to whatever the Lord should reveal
or desire during the ministry times

one morning I woke up to see the sun rising over the iced lake
and noted the tracks of many vehicles
some tracks went in a perfectly straight line
some curved around
some jig jagged all over the place
but
at one point
they all intersected

I realized that only God
can write straight with the crooked lines of my life
and that He directs the ones whose paths are to intersect with mine -
and at each intersection point
my life is enriched
and my heart enlarged ...........

I love to write poetry
one time I shared a poem
that was very personal to me with a musician friend
who set it to music
causing it to become much more complete -

and I can only trust that by sharing my life
God will make it too more complete
and that He will be glorified and pleased
with the song of me
as He writes the next stanza

eclipse moments

light moment

there are two ways of spreading the light:

be the candle

or

be the mirror that reflects it

extraordinary moment

every day is a good day
the very fact you wake up makes it a good day
but some days
are
so
very
tenderly
sweet
and
special

and today
is such a day

I had a meeting booked this morning
which in itself is not all that unusual
but as I deeply enjoy being with this person
I was particularly looking forward to our time together

there is a genuineness
and pure hunger
a humble strength
about this person

this is one who walks in a wide authority
while cloaked in humility

and today
this one surprised me
by coming with gifts

a book

two worship CD's

gentle and loving words written on a stunning card

and a figurine
of a person
bent over
eyes fixed on a carefully held babe

two hands almost entirely encircling fragile new life

the posture
the babe
the hands
the looking

silent stillness
quiet power

and my friend expressed
this was how I had cared
held
looked
listened
and sheltered
his heart
while life was being birthed
and nurtured

no ordinary day
this day

authority moment

still learning about authority
and how easily it is to slip under something unhealthy ......
simply meeting in someone's home
where they have authority
or being involved in a group
where the leader has authority
how does one submit and yet stay free
and when you know
absolutely know
there is an unhealthiness
do you leave
or attempt to speak into it
and if your speaking is not heard
do you leave
or stay

broken bread
poured out wine

weight moment

offered an opportunity to attend a conference on restoring the proper rhythm to life
restoring the daily office
developing the discipline of being still
being silent
waiting
seeking solitude
listening
excited me
added to the mix was the people I would be attending the conference with
people whom I had grown to love
to appreciate deeply
to enjoy and think of always with great affection
then I looked at my calendar and felt the rush of so many already filled days
the pressure of a jam packed agenda
I heard my answer of maybe early next month
when a friend called to see if we could meet for coffee
I felt the hypocrisy of my so-called contemplative lifestyle –
days go by with no time to sit
let alone contemplate-
how long has been since I felt the weight of the wait ….
and here I am considering yet another trip
to attend yet another conference
to be taught the importance of doing exactly what God has long ago asked me to do –
to be still …………???????????
finally I begin to recognize the selfishness in my even considering this trip
and so ……….
I will bless my friends in their going
I will bless the pastors holding the conference
I will bless the teaching and the receiving ………..
for me
I will stay home
be still
and wait
embracing the weight
of the wait

pressure moment

there is enormous pressure

to lead a life

that is not

my

own

community moments

let the person

who cannot be alone

beware of community

let the person who is not in community

beware of being alone

Bonhoffer

lent moments

lent begins in the wilderness

even against our better judgment

we must begin these forty days

by going alone to a wild place

in ourselves or in our lives

if we are fiercely honest with ourselves

as we begin a lenten journey toward greater openness

we must start by seeing things

we would rather not see

reverence moment

reverence usually resides in quiet places
it plays with a newborn baby
and it holds the hand of an old man
it is found in awe
it participates in ritual
it gazes at a rose
the object of reverence would open us to the transcendent
it is not something within our power to change or control
and is not a human product
it is not fully comprehended
even by experts
the posture of reverence is seen in Rembrandt's Return of the Prodigal Son
the touch
the knowing of God's first love
it is in holding what is dear
rather than trying to manipulate our environment
in the presence of reverence
we allow ourselves to truly encounter the other in mystery
I remember once walking into a very old, small cathedral
I smelled the accumulated candle wax and lingering incense
I sensed that it had long been a prayed-in place
I could almost hear the subtle echoes of ancient prayers
it awakened my yearning for knowing my place as a human being
among the community of worshipers
the face of reverence is our own self-portrait
we look at ourselves
and know the tender place within
where the Divine dwells
the key is to feel the reverence go deep
and to give it away at the same time

cross moment

Jesus was ever constantly rejected

by those to whom God sent Him.

Those who were 'His own.'

And we will encounter the same.

He said so.

To bear His Life and represent Him

brings the same fierce rejection of our message

and our very person.
This is the Cross . .

M. Kilpatrick

disentangling moments

it took several hours this morning
to carefully
thoughtfully
tenderly
deliberately
disentangle all roots

it was sometimes a bit messy
sometimes a bit worrisome

there was always a concern about damaging
perhaps wounding
and damaging life
not yet visible

it is always good to expose
the roots of a previous season

checking for disease
unhealthiness
open wounds
stunted growth
dead areas
invasive bugs

I am excited about the potential colors
yet released aromas
increased strength
new soil

new garden mates
enlarged borders
fresh water

abundant life

past moment