door moment

while visiting my children and grandchildren on the weekend
one of the youngest was playing with the French doors
there came a moment he inadvertently shut the door
could not figure out how to open it
and found himself separated from us
I snapped the picture
and knew immediately God was speaking
deep into my spirit

from birth to the age of five
I was fatherless
I had no daddy

at five there came a moment when I met my father
it took some time for a bonding to happen
I felt comfortable with the word father
with the person father
but
never had a daddy

it is only in the past few years I have realized
how much this has affected my relationship with my Father
I am comfortably forever bonded with my Father
but there is this small child in me
that yet longs for a Daddy
an Abba

it is when the wings of my intellect are all folded into my heart
that this cry for Abba is loudest

and when I saw this picture
it showed me
that Abba is just on the other side of the door
I can even see Him
but this small child has not figured out how to open the door

the big me
the adult sized me
years ago
quickly joyously effortlessly
opened the door to my Father

but the small child of me
somehow cannot find the handle
cannot figure out how to open the door

and the cry is loud