Jean Vanier moment

this gentle man of God is able to express so clearly
what took me many months to understand ....
and thus guard against running from instead of moving into ...

Solitude does not separate me from others; it helps me love them more tenderly, realistically and attentively. I begin to distinguish between the false solitude which is a flight from others to be alone with egoism, sadness or a bruised sensitivity, and the true solitude which is communion with God and others.

Tuesday moments

have been seeing a lot lately how a need within can rule,
can cause compromise,
can cause one to sin ....

we seem to all have this huge need to be seen,
to be affirmed,
to be validated ...

causing a seeking to have this need fulfilled by another

this seeking from another is actually a using of someone
combined with an allowing of ourselves to be used

sucking life from another
life being sucked from ourselves

this is horrible
and very very strong ..

we each need the courage
the strength
the yearning desire
to open our heart in absolute trust
to open our soul
to the only One Who can fulfil
Who will affirm
Who will fill
Who gives life

we need to grip the hands of Jesus
with a ferocious tenacity

only once we recover our NO to our humanity
our fleshly flesh
can we live fully in our YES to God

God has the right to require
but He has given us the right to refuse

only I decide for what purpose I will live
and to whom I will give myself

a gift is always a gift
never can be owned
and thus always precious

and there were precious moments ....

Monday moments

interesting day .....
had an eye exam ...
with the field of vision test
and the proverbial drops ...
one to test how much I actually see
and the other to enable the tester to see deep into my eye ...

all this made me think of Jesus ..
and how much of Him I actually see during all my moments ..

and how the tear drops of repentence enables Him to see deep within ...

apparently I have a cortical cataract growing on my left eye ..
this grows like spikes from the outside in
and eventually, if not surgically dealt with, will first cloud
and then completely block my vision

to me, this is the same as looking at the wrong things,
filling my eyes with darkness,
which clouds and then eventually blinds to Light ..
the fingers of sin eventually closing over my eye

how perfectly we are made by the Maker
how wise He is
how caring He is

and this day I pray for strength, not my strength, but the strength of Jesus
to keep true, not continue to end all contact

how horribly subtle the snake was/is in the garden of that friendship ...
even now I feel his seductive pull ...

Wednesday moments

soooo moved by these words:

I see myself now at the end of my journey, my toilsome days are ended.  I am going now to see that Head that was crowned with thorns and that Face that was spit on for me.  I have formerly lived by here-say and faith but now I go where I shall live by sight and shall be with Him in whose company I delight myself.   John Bunyan ... Pilgrim's Progress

recently read 2 books that have comforted, challenged and broken me
deep inside
Don Nori .. Romancing the Divine
Darrell Johnson ...It Is Finished ...
highly recommend both

pondering the oft blurred line between choice and obligation

the greatest and sometimes last human freedom is choosing one's attitude in any given set of circumstances and thus decide what shall become of him/her .. mentally and spiritually .... Martha's insights continually enrich me

still grieving a bit the newest separation but I know it is right
and I was stupidly slow in responding to the need to do it

attended the prayer meeting last night .. first time in the new fellowship ..
and am so blessed by the maturity, the surrendering, the wisdom, the sensitivity of those attending ... how life giving it is to be in the midst of mature hearts!
I know everything is not perfect, probably very far from perfect, but I am enjoying being in the ignorance of being new and thus ignorant of the "stuff".

able today for the first time to get my feet under me after last Friday's meeting with its sad sad news ... 
two couples, two marriages I had always looked to ... always aimed for ..
and one by one both have come apart, shattered, splintered,
so many sharp edges ....

the sun is out and I am heading into the woods!!!

what was hidden has surfaced

how very lovely is this!

after losing contact with my blog  ...
it disappearing somewhere into the never never land of space
today I was able to tap in ....

I feel I have come home after a long lonely period of wandering ...

it is so good to drink of where I have been
rest in the now of where I am
and look to the horizon of where I will be ..

a few quick thoughts from the moments of today

we can be called yet choose not to be chosen ...

the wrath of God is a controlled but relentless, righteous reaction
to anything unrighteous
a burning zeal for the right coupled with a perfect hatred
for everything that is evil ...

so very different from the wrath of man ....

at the cross God expresses His holy wrath against Himself ....

the church must always remain a pilgrim people of God
a church of expectation and hope ...


Jesus
You give everything
body
blood
life
so I can be a gift
full of love
Amen