dying moments

there was a moment
when a spear of accusation was thrust
into a womb of incubating trust and community

although evident for months
something hidden was simmering
still
the violence was sudden
death the intent
but while yet in the crucible of pain
discernment was needed
about what must die
and who thrust the spear

God sees all
God knows all
and so
at the very least
he allowed this all to unfold

could it be that he also scripted it

could it be he chose the time
the place
the thruster
and the onlookers

did he even design and shape the spear

if so
how then to receive this dying
how to react to it

remain locked in pain and shock forever
trapped in that moment

or allow him to put to death
all that needs to die
no matter how painful
how high the hill
or how awkward the tree

and then possibly grow into the prayer
forgive them Lord
for they know what they do

and even be thankful
for the one
so chosen by God
to do the thrusting

the pain remains so great
there must still be much flesh
not yet dead

there is a learning what it means
to embrace death
to die well
moment by moment
cell by cell
as darkness gives way to light

such an experience
altars one's life
forever