gift moment

sometimes the most difficult gift to accept
is the gift of ourselves
who we are
how we are
where we are

sometimes it seems
this gift of ourselves is
most often a rejected gift

there is a longing to be different
to look different
to sound different
to be in a different place
to be in a different season

and there too is the longing to be like another
a coveting
of another's gifts
another's ministry
another's life

which of course
if we were totally honest
means that we wish the death of another
so that we might have what has been given to them

there is this swirling of rejection
and covetnous
sucking the joy out of so many

resulting in a striving

instead of an abiding