living loved
dwelling deep
listening
pondering
feeling the warmth of the spring sun
hearing songs of life
feeling the pulse of the earth
aware of a quiet birthing all around me
Sunday, April 06, 2014
Friday, April 04, 2014
fear moment
there was a moment
of great fear
when I called out for help
and
Christ entered my dark place of fear
and explosively worshiped the Father in it
filling that place
that corner
that tiny closed room in my spirit
with His light
with Himself
and all that He is
and suddenly
there was song ....
and
once again
death was conquered ...
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Monday, March 31, 2014
ordinary moment
There’s nothing in this world that’s normal — there’s only growing blind to the glory.
We don’t need more things. We need more meaning.
God.
is.
here.
Friday, March 28, 2014
thoughtful moments
who I am and what I struggle with are not the same thing
I am who God says I am and not what I label myself
feeling my tears better enables me to feel the pain of others
just some random thoughts while fully living each moment of this day
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
wrecked moment
yesterday was tough ....
first
reading about how "the waste"
aborted babies
BABIES
are simply thrown in the trash
and burned
to help heat the hospital
the hospital
where life is supposed to be valued
this was in England
but I wonder
if it does not happen here as well ...
and then
to learn of the violence
taking place
behind a closed door
because of drugs
that saved a life
but altered a brain
and to be in the midst of the weeping
of the brokenness
of the fear
the despair
the sun is shining brightly today
the air crisp
clear
and yet
the fingers of darkness
sin
evil
encroach upon its very borders ...
and here I sit
drinking coffee
eating porridge
bubbled in my own world
with the choice
to hear
or not
the screams all around me
first
reading about how "the waste"
aborted babies
BABIES
are simply thrown in the trash
and burned
to help heat the hospital
the hospital
where life is supposed to be valued
this was in England
but I wonder
if it does not happen here as well ...
and then
to learn of the violence
taking place
behind a closed door
because of drugs
that saved a life
but altered a brain
and to be in the midst of the weeping
of the brokenness
of the fear
the despair
the sun is shining brightly today
the air crisp
clear
and yet
the fingers of darkness
sin
evil
encroach upon its very borders ...
and here I sit
drinking coffee
eating porridge
bubbled in my own world
with the choice
to hear
or not
the screams all around me
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Sunday, March 16, 2014
vacuum moment
for months I was dissatisfied with the performance of my central vac ...
it was heavy to push and left behind almost as much as was there before ..
the right sounds were heard
the right action was being taken
but good results simply were not there ..
finally I called one who knew how it should all work
one who knew how it was designed
and he came to take a look ...
as all the working parts were hidden inside its casing
the outer shell had to come off ..
and this revealed that some parts were not in their proper place
some parts were broken
and things were not properly aligned ...
that which was broken was fixed
that which was out of place was placed properly
that which was out of alignment was aligned
the casing replaced
the plug inserted into a power source
and the thing practically took off by itself ...
I was just along for the ride!
just like in the spiritual ...
there can be hidden things broken
things out of alignment
things miss-placed
and it is only when we come to our Maker
the One Who designed us
and allow Him to look inside
and fix
and align
and then plug us back into His power source ...
we discover that we are simply along for the ride ..
He is the One Who does the work
and when He does it, it is done thoroughly ...
so, I wonder if
when we find ministry is hard work
we are tired of "pushing"
tired of poor results
could it be because there is a need to be checked out inside ..
even if everything looks and sounds to be alright
when we see poor results
when we get tired in our well doing
is it time to allow Holy Spirit to take off our casing
our glittering image
and poke around inside a bit???
just a thought ...
it was heavy to push and left behind almost as much as was there before ..
the right sounds were heard
the right action was being taken
but good results simply were not there ..
finally I called one who knew how it should all work
one who knew how it was designed
and he came to take a look ...
as all the working parts were hidden inside its casing
the outer shell had to come off ..
and this revealed that some parts were not in their proper place
some parts were broken
and things were not properly aligned ...
that which was broken was fixed
that which was out of place was placed properly
that which was out of alignment was aligned
the casing replaced
the plug inserted into a power source
and the thing practically took off by itself ...
I was just along for the ride!
just like in the spiritual ...
there can be hidden things broken
things out of alignment
things miss-placed
and it is only when we come to our Maker
the One Who designed us
and allow Him to look inside
and fix
and align
and then plug us back into His power source ...
we discover that we are simply along for the ride ..
He is the One Who does the work
and when He does it, it is done thoroughly ...
so, I wonder if
when we find ministry is hard work
we are tired of "pushing"
tired of poor results
could it be because there is a need to be checked out inside ..
even if everything looks and sounds to be alright
when we see poor results
when we get tired in our well doing
is it time to allow Holy Spirit to take off our casing
our glittering image
and poke around inside a bit???
just a thought ...
Monday, March 10, 2014
taste moment
in our surrender
we will taste the death of the soul
when we are asked to go a way that is against our strong desire
we will taste the death of the soul
when we are asked to go a way that is against our strong desire
Thursday, March 06, 2014
prayer moment
prayer is not a matter of my calling in an attempt to get God's attention
but of my listening to the call of God ...
in prayer, it is God reaching out to me, speaking to me ...
when I do have sonething to say, it should be a response to His initiative...
the question of whether or not or how God answers prayer is moot ,
the real question is
do I answer,
do I respond to His always open invitation ????
was reading psalm 78:8
and was struck again by the fact our hearts are a garden, His garden,
His soil and how our hearts, just as the soil, have to be prepared to receive Him ..
as soil has to be prepred to receive a seed ..
and :29
God gave the people what they craved and lusted after ... for a time
and then He gave them His wrath
but of my listening to the call of God ...
in prayer, it is God reaching out to me, speaking to me ...
when I do have sonething to say, it should be a response to His initiative...
the question of whether or not or how God answers prayer is moot ,
the real question is
do I answer,
do I respond to His always open invitation ????
was reading psalm 78:8
and was struck again by the fact our hearts are a garden, His garden,
His soil and how our hearts, just as the soil, have to be prepared to receive Him ..
as soil has to be prepred to receive a seed ..
and :29
God gave the people what they craved and lusted after ... for a time
and then He gave them His wrath
Wednesday, March 05, 2014
lent moment
A Lenten Prayer
The Lenten season begins. It is a time to be with you, Lord, in a special way, a time to pray, to fast, and thus to follow you on your way to Jerusalem, to Golgotha, and to the final victory over death.
I am still so divided. I truly want to follow you, but I also want to follow my own desires and lend an ear to the voices that speak about prestige, success, pleasure, power, and influence. Help me to become deaf to these voices and more attentive to your voice, which calls me to choose the narrow road to life.I know that Lent is going to be a very hard time for me. The choice for your way has to be made every moment of my life. I have to choose thoughts that are your thoughts, words that are your words, and actions that are your actions. There are not times or places without choices. And I know how deeply I resist choosing you.
Please, Lord, be with me at every moment and in every place. Give me the strength and the courage to live this season faithfully, so that, when Easter comes, I will be able to taste with joy the new life that you have prepared for me. Amen.
pilgrimage moment
our pilgrimage of love, begins and deepens as we hear God murmur within out hearts: I love you just as you are. I so love you that I come to heal you and give you life. Do not be afraid. Open your hearts.
I so needed to hear these words, right this moment ...
yesterday afternoon was sad and shocking
and then to come home and find that threatening note from my sister ...
the war between light and darkness is fierce ...
very fierce
I know that the only power the enemy has over me is what I allow him to have
but knowing this does not lessen the pain ...
I actually felt the ugliness of whatever spirit is operating through my sister as I read her words ..
I actually felt the stinging of the gnostic spirit operating yesterday afternoon ..
so much pain ...
my mouth is filled with an ocean of salt from unshed tears ..
and I again focus on|
our pilgrimage of love, begins and deepens as we hear God murmur within out hearts: I love you just as you are. I so love you that I come to heal you and give you life. Do not be afraid. Open your hearts.
and I confess that I find it very very hard to pray for my sister ...
I so needed to hear these words, right this moment ...
yesterday afternoon was sad and shocking
and then to come home and find that threatening note from my sister ...
the war between light and darkness is fierce ...
very fierce
I know that the only power the enemy has over me is what I allow him to have
but knowing this does not lessen the pain ...
I actually felt the ugliness of whatever spirit is operating through my sister as I read her words ..
I actually felt the stinging of the gnostic spirit operating yesterday afternoon ..
so much pain ...
my mouth is filled with an ocean of salt from unshed tears ..
and I again focus on|
our pilgrimage of love, begins and deepens as we hear God murmur within out hearts: I love you just as you are. I so love you that I come to heal you and give you life. Do not be afraid. Open your hearts.
and I confess that I find it very very hard to pray for my sister ...
Tuesday, March 04, 2014
turkey moment
all creatures great and small
the Lord God made them all
just some are more appealing than others,
to my eyes in any case ...
and yet
I marvel at this huge bird
his colors
the pattern of his feathers
his persistence
the way he tucks a foot up
one at a time
way up into his belly feathers
and yet maintains perfect balance
on one leg
anyone can have a guard dog
we seem to have adopted a guard turkey
he stands silent
sentinal like
by the deck door
I love the kids reaction
Andrew: catch him, skin him and cook him up
Jacob: keep him as a pet so I can play with him
James: it is just not right to catch any wild animal .....
has been a fun time ....
the Lord God made them all
just some are more appealing than others,
to my eyes in any case ...
and yet
I marvel at this huge bird
his colors
the pattern of his feathers
his persistence
the way he tucks a foot up
one at a time
way up into his belly feathers
and yet maintains perfect balance
on one leg
anyone can have a guard dog
we seem to have adopted a guard turkey
he stands silent
sentinal like
by the deck door
I love the kids reaction
Andrew: catch him, skin him and cook him up
Jacob: keep him as a pet so I can play with him
James: it is just not right to catch any wild animal .....
has been a fun time ....
Monday, March 03, 2014
looking back moment
if soul touches something, even if it was alive in the Spirit originally, if the soul touches it, it’s death. That’s the difference between soul and spirit; life or death, what the soul does is death.
still deeply impacted by these words. ......
looking back into events, people, ministries ....
into me ...
brings into greater focus the need for separation ...
with guarding the heart during the separation ..
reading Ecclesiastes this morning about times and seasons ..
"a time to hate"
it is always a time to hate sin, hate evil ....
loved our fellowship gathering yesterday ...
it is so obvious there is an undercurrent of something so unusual happening...
every now and again I can feel it bubble, just beneath the surface ..
even Ken mentioned that yesterday
Kent's reaction upon seeing me was "interesting" ....
personally I was happy to see him and KNOW there no longer is any bleeding .
sad "tho to hear about Henry ...
such a strong and vital man, now bent over and weak ..
with "holes in his head" .....
Sunday, March 02, 2014
aha moment
if soul touches something, even if it was alive in the Spirit originally, if the soul touches it, it’s death. That’s the difference between soul and spirit; life or death, what the soul does is death.
I have been seeing this. feeling this and understanding this ... and yet unable to express it clearly
and this morning another said it for me .... how very very kind of God ...
on another note:
it is interesting that this gentleman who sliced me so deeply is coming to speak at our fellowship today ... causing me to think again about the little, but powerful, book ... crucified by Christians ..
the wisdom in its pages has helped me in the past, helped me to walk through a wounding
and remain whole, helped guard my heart against any seed of bitterness, helped me escape the clutches of rejection ... and so I have been again pondering all that I learned between page 1 and "the end" ...... so profoundly important to take everything right back to the root and hear God ask " do you believe I love you?". It is only in the KNOWING I am loved that I am able to accept the "stuff" of this journey, look deep into it to find and hear Jesus and walk out whole..... maybe bent over a bit for awhile, but whole nonetheless.
YES, Lord, I believe.
thank You.
I have been seeing this. feeling this and understanding this ... and yet unable to express it clearly
and this morning another said it for me .... how very very kind of God ...
on another note:
it is interesting that this gentleman who sliced me so deeply is coming to speak at our fellowship today ... causing me to think again about the little, but powerful, book ... crucified by Christians ..
the wisdom in its pages has helped me in the past, helped me to walk through a wounding
and remain whole, helped guard my heart against any seed of bitterness, helped me escape the clutches of rejection ... and so I have been again pondering all that I learned between page 1 and "the end" ...... so profoundly important to take everything right back to the root and hear God ask " do you believe I love you?". It is only in the KNOWING I am loved that I am able to accept the "stuff" of this journey, look deep into it to find and hear Jesus and walk out whole..... maybe bent over a bit for awhile, but whole nonetheless.
YES, Lord, I believe.
thank You.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Jean Vanier moment
this gentle man of God is able to express so clearly
what took me many months to understand ....
and thus guard against running from instead of moving into ...
what took me many months to understand ....
and thus guard against running from instead of moving into ...
Solitude does not separate me from others; it helps me love them more tenderly, realistically and attentively. I begin to distinguish between the false solitude which is a flight from others to be alone with egoism, sadness or a bruised sensitivity, and the true solitude which is communion with God and others.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Tuesday moments
have been seeing a lot lately how a need within can rule,
can cause compromise,
can cause one to sin ....
we seem to all have this huge need to be seen,
to be affirmed,
to be validated ...
causing a seeking to have this need fulfilled by another
this seeking from another is actually a using of someone
combined with an allowing of ourselves to be used
sucking life from another
life being sucked from ourselves
this is horrible
and very very strong ..
we each need the courage
the strength
the yearning desire
to open our heart in absolute trust
to open our soul
to the only One Who can fulfil
Who will affirm
Who will fill
Who gives life
we need to grip the hands of Jesus
with a ferocious tenacity
only once we recover our NO to our humanity
our fleshly flesh
can we live fully in our YES to God
God has the right to require
but He has given us the right to refuse
only I decide for what purpose I will live
and to whom I will give myself
a gift is always a gift
never can be owned
and thus always precious
and there were precious moments ....
can cause compromise,
can cause one to sin ....
we seem to all have this huge need to be seen,
to be affirmed,
to be validated ...
causing a seeking to have this need fulfilled by another
this seeking from another is actually a using of someone
combined with an allowing of ourselves to be used
sucking life from another
life being sucked from ourselves
this is horrible
and very very strong ..
we each need the courage
the strength
the yearning desire
to open our heart in absolute trust
to open our soul
to the only One Who can fulfil
Who will affirm
Who will fill
Who gives life
we need to grip the hands of Jesus
with a ferocious tenacity
only once we recover our NO to our humanity
our fleshly flesh
can we live fully in our YES to God
God has the right to require
but He has given us the right to refuse
only I decide for what purpose I will live
and to whom I will give myself
a gift is always a gift
never can be owned
and thus always precious
and there were precious moments ....
Monday, February 24, 2014
Monday moments
interesting day .....
had an eye exam ...
with the field of vision test
and the proverbial drops ...
one to test how much I actually see
and the other to enable the tester to see deep into my eye ...
all this made me think of Jesus ..
and how much of Him I actually see during all my moments ..
and how the tear drops of repentence enables Him to see deep within ...
apparently I have a cortical cataract growing on my left eye ..
this grows like spikes from the outside in
and eventually, if not surgically dealt with, will first cloud
and then completely block my vision
to me, this is the same as looking at the wrong things,
filling my eyes with darkness,
which clouds and then eventually blinds to Light ..
the fingers of sin eventually closing over my eye
how perfectly we are made by the Maker
how wise He is
how caring He is
and this day I pray for strength, not my strength, but the strength of Jesus
to keep true, not continue to end all contact
how horribly subtle the snake was/is in the garden of that friendship ...
even now I feel his seductive pull ...
had an eye exam ...
with the field of vision test
and the proverbial drops ...
one to test how much I actually see
and the other to enable the tester to see deep into my eye ...
all this made me think of Jesus ..
and how much of Him I actually see during all my moments ..
and how the tear drops of repentence enables Him to see deep within ...
apparently I have a cortical cataract growing on my left eye ..
this grows like spikes from the outside in
and eventually, if not surgically dealt with, will first cloud
and then completely block my vision
to me, this is the same as looking at the wrong things,
filling my eyes with darkness,
which clouds and then eventually blinds to Light ..
the fingers of sin eventually closing over my eye
how perfectly we are made by the Maker
how wise He is
how caring He is
and this day I pray for strength, not my strength, but the strength of Jesus
to keep true, not continue to end all contact
how horribly subtle the snake was/is in the garden of that friendship ...
even now I feel his seductive pull ...
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Wednesday moments
soooo moved by these words:
I
see myself now at the end of my journey, my toilsome days are ended. I
am going now to see that Head that was crowned with thorns and that
Face that was spit on for me. I have formerly lived by here-say and
faith but now I go where I shall live by sight and shall be with Him in
whose company I delight myself. John Bunyan ... Pilgrim's Progress
recently read 2 books that have comforted, challenged and broken me
deep inside
Don Nori .. Romancing the Divine
Darrell Johnson ...It Is Finished ...
highly recommend both
pondering the oft blurred line between choice and obligation
the greatest and sometimes last human freedom is choosing one's attitude in any given set of circumstances and thus decide what shall become of him/her .. mentally and spiritually .... Martha's insights continually enrich me
still grieving a bit the newest separation but I know it is right
and I was stupidly slow in responding to the need to do it
attended the prayer meeting last night .. first time in the new fellowship ..
and am so blessed by the maturity, the surrendering, the wisdom, the sensitivity of those attending ... how life giving it is to be in the midst of mature hearts!
I know everything is not perfect, probably very far from perfect, but I am enjoying being in the ignorance of being new and thus ignorant of the "stuff".
able today for the first time to get my feet under me after last Friday's meeting with its sad sad news ...
two couples, two marriages I had always looked to ... always aimed for ..
and one by one both have come apart, shattered, splintered,
so many sharp edges ....
the sun is out and I am heading into the woods!!!
recently read 2 books that have comforted, challenged and broken me
deep inside
Don Nori .. Romancing the Divine
Darrell Johnson ...It Is Finished ...
highly recommend both
pondering the oft blurred line between choice and obligation
the greatest and sometimes last human freedom is choosing one's attitude in any given set of circumstances and thus decide what shall become of him/her .. mentally and spiritually .... Martha's insights continually enrich me
still grieving a bit the newest separation but I know it is right
and I was stupidly slow in responding to the need to do it
attended the prayer meeting last night .. first time in the new fellowship ..
and am so blessed by the maturity, the surrendering, the wisdom, the sensitivity of those attending ... how life giving it is to be in the midst of mature hearts!
I know everything is not perfect, probably very far from perfect, but I am enjoying being in the ignorance of being new and thus ignorant of the "stuff".
able today for the first time to get my feet under me after last Friday's meeting with its sad sad news ...
two couples, two marriages I had always looked to ... always aimed for ..
and one by one both have come apart, shattered, splintered,
so many sharp edges ....
the sun is out and I am heading into the woods!!!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
what was hidden has surfaced
how very lovely is this!
after losing contact with my blog ...
it disappearing somewhere into the never never land of space
today I was able to tap in ....
I feel I have come home after a long lonely period of wandering ...
it is so good to drink of where I have been
rest in the now of where I am
and look to the horizon of where I will be ..
a few quick thoughts from the moments of today
we can be called yet choose not to be chosen ...
the wrath of God is a controlled but relentless, righteous reaction
to anything unrighteous
a burning zeal for the right coupled with a perfect hatred
for everything that is evil ...
so very different from the wrath of man ....
at the cross God expresses His holy wrath against Himself ....
the church must always remain a pilgrim people of God
a church of expectation and hope ...
Jesus
You give everything
body
blood
life
so I can be a gift
full of love
Amen
after losing contact with my blog ...
it disappearing somewhere into the never never land of space
today I was able to tap in ....
I feel I have come home after a long lonely period of wandering ...
it is so good to drink of where I have been
rest in the now of where I am
and look to the horizon of where I will be ..
a few quick thoughts from the moments of today
we can be called yet choose not to be chosen ...
the wrath of God is a controlled but relentless, righteous reaction
to anything unrighteous
a burning zeal for the right coupled with a perfect hatred
for everything that is evil ...
so very different from the wrath of man ....
at the cross God expresses His holy wrath against Himself ....
the church must always remain a pilgrim people of God
a church of expectation and hope ...
Jesus
You give everything
body
blood
life
so I can be a gift
full of love
Amen
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