iris moment

some months ago lying on my bed while recovering I was able to watch the iris in the bouquets over the period of a week as they slowly and graciously unfolded their gifts to me

each day a tightly furled bud would begin its slow-motion self-revelation until by the end of the day it would be in full expansion

next morning it would have closed in on itself only to allow the next bud positioned farther down the stalk to display its breathtaking beauty

the very being of the iris

their incomprehensible delicacy and extravagance

the furry petaled dip and curve of them

the modulations of color

the various textures of stalk stem stamen and pistil

all elegantly displayed themselves for my wonderment

there was a wordlessness to the experience that is impossible to convey

the iris simply were

they were inexpressible gifts

unique

unrepeatable

unforgettable

if only I could be present to really see and receive them

I knew I had never seen iris before

I was not sure I had ever really seen anything before

but now I knew

I had seen iris

edge moment

I realize that my faith and unbelief
are never far from each other
maybe it is exactly at the place
where they touch each other
that the growing edge of my life is

friends moment

as part of my readings through the entire Bible this year
I was in Job earlier this morning
and noted such a beautiful event .........

there was a time when Job's friends came alongside him
and they sat for a considerable amount of time
in total silence -
no one said a single word
no one tried to comfort
or fight spiritually
or provide insight
or condemn .........

they all simply sat in silence

the ministry of presence

later on of course these same friends grew impatient
with Job
and with God
and they started speaking .........

but it was when they were silent
such beauty of friendship was seen

we have much to learn from that example ....

a few years ago
when I was ill
some friends came by

one suggested that now I was "old and frail"
I should avail myself of meals on wheels ..........

another wondered about sin in my life
allowing my body to be attacked

some friends never came

but there were a few
who came and sat
in silence
just comforting me with their presence
with their silent hugs

the ministry of silent presence is loud

silent moment

silence is the process of coming to stillness

silent solitude forges true speech

wild moment

the fragile splendor of a wildflower stops me in my tracks
sucks the breath out of me
and opens me to a moment of awe
when I pay attention
and give myself to the moment

killing moment

recently while undergoing some medical tests
it was discovered there was something ugly
and dangerous growing away
hidden deep inside .........
not yet big enough to be noticed by the naked eye
not yet hugely altering how the body was functioning
just simmering away
quietly and slowly
extending its tentacles into everything around it

just like our amazing medical technology
enables one to see deep inside
and find hidden things

there are moments God allows
a "seeing" into the body of Christ

during a season in the midst of a community
I began to see something ugly
and dangerous
simmering away ..........
this was a cancer of jealousy ..........
hidden deep inside
not yet exposed enough to be seen by many eyes
not yet hugely altering how the body was functioning
just simmering away
quietly and slowly
extending its tentacles into those around

some others did not see it
yet began to feel its presence

and just like it takes time to develop a protocol
to treat a dangerous disease in the natural body
time had to be taken
to seek God's protocol for dealing with this particular disease

there are very few things
more destructive than a silent cancer
cancer can kill

there are very few things
more destructive than a simmering jealousy
jealousy can kill

what is seldom understood
is that jealousy
although projected outward
is already killing the person infected with it

serene moment

we walk to lakes
to see our serenity reflected in them

when we are not serene
we do not go to them

Henry Thoreau

womb moment

into the compassionate womb of your love
oh God
I bring my deepest needs
my strongest hopes
my greatest fears .........

insightful moment

"I think that when people say they're lonely,what they're really saying is that they don't like their own company. And something should be done about that, because if you don't like your own company, then you're the victim of whoever passes by."

Diana de Vegh

false moment

living out of a false self
creates a compulsive desire
to present a perfect image to the public
so that everybody will admire us
and nobody will know us

Brennan Manning

answer moment

how we answer
depends upon which question we hear

until and unless we hear God asking
do you know I love you

we are unable to answer Jesus question
do you love Me

we cannot give what we have not received

only once we receive the love of God
can we give that love back to Jesus

for God's love is perfect
and Jesus deserves nothing less

if we only offer Jesus our imperfect love
this second love
that has been modeled for us
by parents, friends,
well
that is truly sad ...........

that is a religious love
from an anorexic body

words coming from a mouth
that has lost its taste for manna
bread still warm from the oven of intimacy

door moment

while visiting my children and grandchildren on the weekend
one of the youngest was playing with the French doors
there came a moment he inadvertently shut the door
could not figure out how to open it
and found himself separated from us
I snapped the picture
and knew immediately God was speaking
deep into my spirit

from birth to the age of five
I was fatherless
I had no daddy

at five there came a moment when I met my father
it took some time for a bonding to happen
I felt comfortable with the word father
with the person father
but
never had a daddy

it is only in the past few years I have realized
how much this has affected my relationship with my Father
I am comfortably forever bonded with my Father
but there is this small child in me
that yet longs for a Daddy
an Abba

it is when the wings of my intellect are all folded into my heart
that this cry for Abba is loudest

and when I saw this picture
it showed me
that Abba is just on the other side of the door
I can even see Him
but this small child has not figured out how to open the door

the big me
the adult sized me
years ago
quickly joyously effortlessly
opened the door to my Father

but the small child of me
somehow cannot find the handle
cannot figure out how to open the door

and the cry is loud

well moment

like the woman at the well

if Jesus met me today

and began speaking to me about the wounded parts of my life

what would he mention first ..................

drawing moment

it is the gentle Whisper
that draws us to the mouth of the cave

it is the Voice
that tells us which way to go

stumble moment

people don't stumble over boulders
they stumble over stones
relatively small things

growing moment

heaven lies about us in our infancy
shades of the prison-house
begin to close upon the growing boy

William Wordsworth

gift moment

our love is a need
His is a gift

Thomas Merton

sometimes moment

sometimes we must go into the dark to see the light
sometimes we must go into the dark to see God

withdraw moment

just as a mirage in the desert gives a false sense of confidence that all will be well

my emotions can give me an exaggerated confidence in my faith

they work most powerfully in times of spiritual struggles

jumping in to quickly fix my pain

exhilaration feels much better than uncertainty and confusion

only when I withdraw into God’s care

I am sustained at a deep level

loved even when I can’t muster confidence or excitement

question moment

I used to think the most important question to hear
and answer
was Jesus asking
"do you love Me?"

only lately have I come to believe that a more important question
comes from God
and that is
"do you believe I love you?"

both questions contain the word "love" -
and until I/we understand what love is
both questions are difficult to answer honestly .....

my struggles in relationships are connected with what I like to call
the relationship between the 'first love' and the 'second love'

the first love is from God
who loved me before I was born

the second love is from my parents, brothers, sisters, friends
and is only a reflection of that first love

sometimes I expect from the second love
what only the first love can give

then I experience anguish

my personal struggle has always been
that I expected a first love
from someone who could only give a second love