shepherd moment

although grey and rainy outside
there was an abundance of sunshine and warmth
as 50 or so shepherds came alongside one another this morning
to eat, listen, share, speak, discover, worship
and just be
together

there was free admission of weariness
guilt
failure
loneliness
blessing
excitement
birth
anticipation

there were shoulders offered
arms opened
a rending of hearts

there were dancing feet
and wounded bleeding stumbling feet

and all came together
in the cleft of the Rock

some entered in easier than others
but all entered in

and it was lovely to see heads that had been bowed
lifted
eyes that had been dimmed
brightened
mouths that had been closed
opened

and this morning
we together were church
in the cleft of the Rock

very often
there are lean and terrible years
between anointing and crowning
with a treacherous valley lying between the two

there are many destined for authority
who never wear its crown
and there are many destined for authority
who seize power before they are ready

there are those who live for the praise of man
and there are those whose one and only desire
is to behold the beauty of the Lord

and it takes a coming together
to reveal
who is who

and it is an offered hand
that helps another up

and it is very sad
when the offer
is not able to be accepted

and all one can do is continue to love

it is
it must be
God alone who sets up one
and takes down another

laser moments

yesterday
very early in the morning
before the things of the day really began
a laser penetrated and burned away
a growth on my cheek
although hardly visible on the surface
it was said to be deep
and dangerous

like an iceberg
the part not seen
hidden beneath the surface
was where the danger lay

and so for a few days
I am walking with a visible wound
looking just slightly beaten up

while all around me
are those whose body may flourish
but at the same time
their soul withers

those who do not fit
where they are going
because they are still dressed
for where they came from

those still dwelling on the harms done them by man
thus amputating from their mind
the power of dwelling upon God

and I think of the laser of the Holy Spirit
how we need this white fire to roar through our lives
burning out what is superficial
frivolous
unimportant
leaving a core of love

we can still fly injured
given a little love

real moments

today held a few special moments
in the sun
when it was OK
and it was easy
to be real
because being real was all that truly mattered
and it was appropriate
it happened in the sun
in the light
in the warmth
where there was life

when the trembling sandals
of a fragile stone
were quiet
and still
and at rest

it was just a few moments
but some days
there are no moments
no sun
no warmth
no life

no moments
to hold a space for another's beauty
when they forget

grace
is when God puts a song
in the mouths
of those who most often don't expect to ever sing again

I read that recently
but it was only today
that I heard the song

pillow moment

have you ever been unable to sleep
tossing and turning
thoughts whirling
emotions tumbling
and then in utter frustration
flipped your pillow
only to experience that aaaaaaaaaaaah moment
when your cheek comes to rest on the cool side of the pillow

in this dry, sandstorm of a season
there were moments yesterday
when my heart found the cool side of the pillow

named moment

you are not an accident

even at the moment of your conception

out of many possibilities

only certain cells combined

survived

grew to be you

you are unique

you were created for a purpose

God has prepared a place for you

that is for you

and only you

to fill

come to His table

it is a father who gives his name to his children

consider this father whose name you carry

asking moments

Jesus

what would it sound like

if we allowed You to speak
what would it look like

if we allowed You to build Your church
what would Your horizon consist of

if we learned to looked beyond our fear of failure
what would Your dream be

if we stopped dreaming our dreams
what would Your manna taste like

if our mouths were not so full of junk food
what would Your song be

if we laid down our own idea of what worship is
what would You do

if we stopped all our striving

would You tear down the house
so as to rearrange all the stones

would You build walls
or would You build a city

the sheep are scattered
where are all the shepherds, Jesus

where are the ones who would weep
between the porch and the altar

where are the wailing women

where are the upright
who quickly lie down
so another might stand tall

Lord
although the words of God are read
there is a famine in this land
for the Word

we are such deep lovers of self
what would it be like
if we were deep lovers of God

if we removed the I, I, I
and became we, we, we

mist moment

by the ordering of God

a mist came down

upon the land

still moment

be still and know

thursday moments

the aroma of obedience

is sometimes

the song of sacrifice

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

what sort of shadow

will my life have left on this land

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

there are those who believe

that the seeking of solitude

is a withdrawal

and so miss

the entrance

that solitude brings

silent moment

there are those would pilfer your words

and wrap themselves in a cloak of pride

while speaking them

thus

it is very often better not to speak

and tempt another to sin

painful moment

I have this friend who is the source and love of my life and it is the delight of my life to spend time with this one.
I also have a circle of amazing women friends. We gather together weekly to explore one another’s hearts and corporately seek the heart of God.
Over the past few years I have been telling these ladies about my time spent in the woods with my special friend and so we planned a time of retreat with all of us visiting together.
I had taken care to ask each lady to come and to ask permission of the builder of the little house in the woods.
After what seemed like months of anticipation, everyone arrived at the lake and we together went into the woods to be with my friend. We ladies were so excited to be together that we sort of all fell through the door in laughter and giggly joy – and in our great delight in being with one another, we barely stopped to listen to the one whom we had come to visit and so he quietly slipped out. Very, very quickly I became aware of his absence and I was overwhelmed with shame, sorrow and sadness. I knew what I had done and I knew what I had not done. I had asked everyone but him if our visit would be OK and then once we casually invaded this little house, he was not recognized or listened to. For the first time ever I felt unsafe in this little house. For the first time ever I was aware of the darkness immediately outside this little house. For the first time ever I was concerned about getting lost in the dark woods. This had been my mistake, my wrongdoing and I knew it. It was three full agonizingly long days before I was ready to return, this time alone, to this little house in the woods. I was fearful my friend would still be absent and also fearful he would be there and what he would say. How could I ever express my sorrow – where would I ever find the language to adequately say I was so deeply sorry. So it was with some trepidation that I sought the path that has no trail and approached the door of the little house.
And I should have known he would be waiting, right at the door. As I asked his forgiveness he simply pulled me closer, wrapped his soft sweet, sweet presence around me and told me I was forgiven

and perfect love had cast out all fear

voice moment

Voice in the wind

foggy moment

unable to sleep, I got up early this morning to go to the river
it was somewhat appropriate I suppose
that the path was covered in a heavy fog
I knew in which direction to head and
even though I could not see ahead or even what was beneath my feet
I set my face like flint and headed out
I knew the water would be there
just could not see the path I was to take

it was only when the sun burned away the fog
and I still could not see
that I realized it was not only the fog over the land obscuring my vision
it was also my tears that would not stop
even in the warmth of the sun

and for now at least
the excitement of what must lie ahead
is heavily tempered
by grief
over what might have been

and while walking through this grief
I know that while I might stumble a bit
it is important that I not trip

too much death over the years
and I am yet very heavy with the pain of it
and through my tears
I see the tears of another
and through my pain
I feel the pain of another
and in the peace of the refusal to compromise, to settle,
I feel the lonely fears of another
and can only bow my head
and weep

with open hands

Wednesday's moments

leaves falling
dry and lifeless
dead before their time
widening cracks in the earth
breaking
tearing
a sighing escapes from deep within
there is a desperate thirst in the land
for reign of the Word

some roots are hard to disentangle without a death

sometimes you outgrow your home and must leave it in order to live

waterfall moments

it has been a waterfall of
words
sounds
colors
tastes
touches
tumbling in
so fast
there will be a bursting
if they cannot be released
fingers unable to even hold the pen
as it skips across paper
and it is right
these words are not mine to capture
and thus own
they come on the Wind
and go in the Wind
and all is as it should be


there is a vibrating
a tension
in the air all around
the Voice
that hovered over the deep
birthing the earth
wishes to speak
and the air cannot hold His words
until man decides
whether or not
to listen


so many leaves falling
birch
maple
oak
ironwood
beech
all falling together
filling the air
carried by the wind
and there is no suggestion
that they all be called by the same name


it is in the fall
as the land prepares to close for winter
that the trees are bent over
under the weight
of the promise of spring


the greatness of the weight of this season
is in direct proportion
to the narrowness of the path
upon which my feet have been placed


the water needed to survive the desert
is found in the midst of thorns
it is when the thorns pierce
that I am closest to it


Jesus
oh Holy One
I sing to you forgiven
and I come
I cry
I watch
I wait
I look
I learn

September 05 moment

heavily pregnant
awkward with its weight
she moves slowly now
pausing often
listening
watching
waiting
now and again bent over in the pain of impending life
and yet compelled to keep moving
fueled by the urgency
to find her stable
her place of birthing
the why accepted and no longer important
where
when
how
yet to be answered

September 01 moment

there is a wind today
that comes from the north
it is a struggling wind
that ebbs and flows
not sure yet of its heart
the flag
with its red leaf
is carried in this wind
but for a piece
a corner
that snags on unhealthy pride
crippling
the soaring of the leaf
causing a ripping
a bleeding
there is not yet a pure speaking of the heart
in this wind
that comes from the north

September 3 moment

there is an irritability in the air today

a moodiness

like a sulking child refusing to smile

colors muted

birds silent

a single duck stands one-legged on the rock

softly hidden in the shadow that drapes the land

this shadow does not dance

but stands as in mourning

the mist returns

yet I will trust in the darkness

and know

my times are held in Your hand

August 31 moment

a friend arrives today

bringing news from the other side of the mountains

there are very few

with whom words are not needed

there is a quiet knowing

what is in the heart of the other

and yet

today

my ears are hungry

for the voice of his heart

a moment

fishermen

who do not fish

fight