Tuesday, September 19, 2006

painful moment

I have this friend who is the source and love of my life and it is the delight of my life to spend time with this one.
I also have a circle of amazing women friends. We gather together weekly to explore one another’s hearts and corporately seek the heart of God.
Over the past few years I have been telling these ladies about my time spent in the woods with my special friend and so we planned a time of retreat with all of us visiting together.
I had taken care to ask each lady to come and to ask permission of the builder of the little house in the woods.
After what seemed like months of anticipation, everyone arrived at the lake and we together went into the woods to be with my friend. We ladies were so excited to be together that we sort of all fell through the door in laughter and giggly joy – and in our great delight in being with one another, we barely stopped to listen to the one whom we had come to visit and so he quietly slipped out. Very, very quickly I became aware of his absence and I was overwhelmed with shame, sorrow and sadness. I knew what I had done and I knew what I had not done. I had asked everyone but him if our visit would be OK and then once we casually invaded this little house, he was not recognized or listened to. For the first time ever I felt unsafe in this little house. For the first time ever I was aware of the darkness immediately outside this little house. For the first time ever I was concerned about getting lost in the dark woods. This had been my mistake, my wrongdoing and I knew it. It was three full agonizingly long days before I was ready to return, this time alone, to this little house in the woods. I was fearful my friend would still be absent and also fearful he would be there and what he would say. How could I ever express my sorrow – where would I ever find the language to adequately say I was so deeply sorry. So it was with some trepidation that I sought the path that has no trail and approached the door of the little house.
And I should have known he would be waiting, right at the door. As I asked his forgiveness he simply pulled me closer, wrapped his soft sweet, sweet presence around me and told me I was forgiven

and perfect love had cast out all fear

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