Tuesday moments

have been seeing a lot lately how a need within can rule,
can cause compromise,
can cause one to sin ....

we seem to all have this huge need to be seen,
to be affirmed,
to be validated ...

causing a seeking to have this need fulfilled by another

this seeking from another is actually a using of someone
combined with an allowing of ourselves to be used

sucking life from another
life being sucked from ourselves

this is horrible
and very very strong ..

we each need the courage
the strength
the yearning desire
to open our heart in absolute trust
to open our soul
to the only One Who can fulfil
Who will affirm
Who will fill
Who gives life

we need to grip the hands of Jesus
with a ferocious tenacity

only once we recover our NO to our humanity
our fleshly flesh
can we live fully in our YES to God

God has the right to require
but He has given us the right to refuse

only I decide for what purpose I will live
and to whom I will give myself

a gift is always a gift
never can be owned
and thus always precious

and there were precious moments ....

Monday moments

interesting day .....
had an eye exam ...
with the field of vision test
and the proverbial drops ...
one to test how much I actually see
and the other to enable the tester to see deep into my eye ...

all this made me think of Jesus ..
and how much of Him I actually see during all my moments ..

and how the tear drops of repentence enables Him to see deep within ...

apparently I have a cortical cataract growing on my left eye ..
this grows like spikes from the outside in
and eventually, if not surgically dealt with, will first cloud
and then completely block my vision

to me, this is the same as looking at the wrong things,
filling my eyes with darkness,
which clouds and then eventually blinds to Light ..
the fingers of sin eventually closing over my eye

how perfectly we are made by the Maker
how wise He is
how caring He is

and this day I pray for strength, not my strength, but the strength of Jesus
to keep true, not continue to end all contact

how horribly subtle the snake was/is in the garden of that friendship ...
even now I feel his seductive pull ...

Wednesday moments

soooo moved by these words:

I see myself now at the end of my journey, my toilsome days are ended.  I am going now to see that Head that was crowned with thorns and that Face that was spit on for me.  I have formerly lived by here-say and faith but now I go where I shall live by sight and shall be with Him in whose company I delight myself.   John Bunyan ... Pilgrim's Progress

recently read 2 books that have comforted, challenged and broken me
deep inside
Don Nori .. Romancing the Divine
Darrell Johnson ...It Is Finished ...
highly recommend both

pondering the oft blurred line between choice and obligation

the greatest and sometimes last human freedom is choosing one's attitude in any given set of circumstances and thus decide what shall become of him/her .. mentally and spiritually .... Martha's insights continually enrich me

still grieving a bit the newest separation but I know it is right
and I was stupidly slow in responding to the need to do it

attended the prayer meeting last night .. first time in the new fellowship ..
and am so blessed by the maturity, the surrendering, the wisdom, the sensitivity of those attending ... how life giving it is to be in the midst of mature hearts!
I know everything is not perfect, probably very far from perfect, but I am enjoying being in the ignorance of being new and thus ignorant of the "stuff".

able today for the first time to get my feet under me after last Friday's meeting with its sad sad news ... 
two couples, two marriages I had always looked to ... always aimed for ..
and one by one both have come apart, shattered, splintered,
so many sharp edges ....

the sun is out and I am heading into the woods!!!

what was hidden has surfaced

how very lovely is this!

after losing contact with my blog  ...
it disappearing somewhere into the never never land of space
today I was able to tap in ....

I feel I have come home after a long lonely period of wandering ...

it is so good to drink of where I have been
rest in the now of where I am
and look to the horizon of where I will be ..

a few quick thoughts from the moments of today

we can be called yet choose not to be chosen ...

the wrath of God is a controlled but relentless, righteous reaction
to anything unrighteous
a burning zeal for the right coupled with a perfect hatred
for everything that is evil ...

so very different from the wrath of man ....

at the cross God expresses His holy wrath against Himself ....

the church must always remain a pilgrim people of God
a church of expectation and hope ...


Jesus
You give everything
body
blood
life
so I can be a gift
full of love
Amen

getting dirty

after the silence of a long winter
it is perhaps time
to get dirty
dig deep in the soil of my life
and find the dreams I buried
or words of others buried
uncover them
allow them to surface
and be warmed by Light
nurtured by Truth
germinate
give birth
or not
as He wills

stained moments

there have been some difficult moments this morning
which have simply demonstrated a stark truth -

some time ago, there was a spill on the bed comforter cover -

the spiller, although it was an accident,
decided to hide the evidence
and simply turned the comforter over .........
stain down, out of sight

a week or so later this came to light
with no sorrow expressed
and a slight attempt to deflect ownership of the incident

the spill, because it had not been dealt with immediately,
was now a large brown stain
and when the comforter cover was removed
it was revealed that the stain had also pentrated
deep into the comforter

so, now two large brown stains ..........
one simply caused by being in proximity to the hidden original stain

there had been a leaking of the stain
from one thing to another

because of the length of time that had passed
even with stain remover
and two washings
there is a remnant of the stain
on both the cover and the comforter

and is this not just like sin????

if not immediately confessed with repentence
a stain is left on our soul
and this stain penetrates the soul of anyone in close proximity

when a lie is attached to the stain
the penetration, the discoloration,
goes even deeper

the stain of the pain of being lied to is not easily scrubbed away -

salt moment

Aristotle says that to become a friend of someone
you should eat a sack of salt together

interesting in light of the fact
that salt puts your heart at risk
as does love/friendship

food and love are linked closely

we are being bombarded these days
with warnings about cutting back on our salt intake
but we for sure need to hugely increase our love intake
as we cannot give what we do not have ..........

the world cries for love
my neighbors cry for love
I cry for love

life moment

to my surprise today
I noted a blooming impatience
reaching toward the light
ignoring the fact it is February
and the ground is covered in snow

must have been a seed
that quietly fell into the earth
was buried
and hidden
for months ...

something has called it forth
to bloom

no one knew it was there
no one saw anything different in the soil

and
suddenly
in the midst of winter
a bloom of summer popped up

and sometimes that is the way it is

seemingly randomly planted
underground
silent
hidden
for a long time

a bloom appears
a flower unfolds
in the middle of a winter

a glimpse of summer

in a pot of ferns
a single impatience
blooming
just
because

no use pointing out the season is wrong
for this new life to bud and bloom

no use pointing out the locale is wrong
this pot only meant for ferns

when it is time to bloom
simply stand your ground
lift your head
and let your beauty shine

rain moment

love comes like soundless rain in late April

falling softly

it cannot be forced

softening
and preparing
the soil
to receive a seed
of life

a moment

was there a moment
known only to God
when all the stars held their breath
when the galaxies paused in their dance for a fraction of a second
and the Word
who had called it all into being
went with all his love into the womb of a young girl
and the universe started to breathe again
and the ancient harmonies resumed their song
and the angels clapped their hands for joy

Liam moment

this wee boy was brought to me for prayer this morning -
not quite two, adopted from Vietnam -
Liam was born with a myriad of medical problems
causing his mom to abandon him at birth ..........
$20,000 later, Liam has been chosen by his new parents -
he faces years of reconstructive surgery
which will be terribly painful for him ........
yet, there is so much life
so much joy
in this little body -
he and I giggled together for 2 hours

unable to hold anything with his upside down hands
he nevertheless held my heart easily

unable to crawl or walk because of his dislocated hips
he nevertheless moved deep inside me

unable to hug because of his inside out shoulders
he nevertheless wrapped me in love

and I am changed
because of these Liam moments

whisper moment

it is a precious wonder to me
that in the midst of the storm of words
the lashing wind of the diagnosis
the ice pellets of the facts

I could hear
His holy whisper

do not be afraid
it is I

just as He walks on the waves
we are called to do so
and not be afraid

just be sure to wait for His

"come"

gift moments

the warmth of a sun blanket
slipping through my window

slow bubbling of a making pot of soup

sweetness of yeast in rising bread

silent song of a burning wick

fluffy socks

resolve moment

so, here I am
half way through the first month
of this new year
thinking about all that this year could hold

thinking about how to approach
all that each day will unfold

in the awareness
there will be the good
and the not so good

after all
that is the way life is

thinking about how the not so good
can only shape my days
if I allow it to do so

and suddenly
there was a not so good

until that moment
this day
this Saturday mid January
was filled with possibilities
that could be found in the midst of the Saturday chores

the moment
of the not so good
altered everything

leaving only chores
to be done heavily
because of an aching heart

so I sat by the window
coffee cup in hand
trying to find my way back to the possibilities

the sun is brilliant on this frigid day

diamonds are in the fresh snow

icy fingers of the trees flash back and forth
in their dance with the wind

a cardinal's red against the white

warm slippers

steam slowly curling upwards from my cup

the discovery of the gift of these moments
is my resolution for this year

to ensure the rhythm of my life
leaves room for me to see
gifts from God
in each moment

finding Him in each moment

and allowing that finding
to shape my days

candle moment

a candle consumes itself when lit
yet loses nothing of itself
when lighting another

Michael moment

and so
another year has come
and another year has gone

and forty-three years ago
this very day
Michael took his first breath

gave his first cry

and never again felt the warmth
the skin
of his mother
this woman who chose to give him life

forty-three years ago
my arms first felt the warmth of Michael
the skin of Michael

it was my neck that felt the nuzzle of his wee head

my being that was filled with the sweetness of his being

I loved loving him

and a piece of me died four months later
when he left my arms
for the arms of another

and this day
the day of his birth
I wonder about him
in my continual missing of him

is he loved
is he loving

is he well
is he content

there remains a Michael-sized hole in me
flowers of thankfulness for him
grow around the hole
but there remains this hole

Michael
where ever you are
what ever you are doing
I am thinking of you
and missing you
and loving you

seek moment

why is it
we seek to be filled
by a world
that is starving

laundry moments

this morning I decided to tackle the pile of laundry
that had been accumulating - I carefully took the time
to separate darks from lights checking each pocket
for anything that should not be there -
only to discover after the dark wash
while removing the clothes from the machine
there were tons of little white pieces of fluff
sticking to absolutely everything -
obviously a kleenex had hidden itself in a deep recess
of a pocket or fold ................

made me think of the body of Christ
how a deeply hidden secret sin in one
infects and affects absolutely everyone in the community

spousal moment

the church wants to feel able to explain about her spouse

even when she has lost sight of him;

even when, although she has not been divorced,

she no longer knows his embrace,

because curiosity has gotten the better of her

and she has gone searching for other people

and other things.

Carlo Carretto

willing moment

are we willing to leave the familiar and seek, find and encounter God in unlikely ways and in unlikely places – will there be moments when we are unsatisfied hearing about others encounters with God and their reports are not enough – when we want to see and experience Him for ourselves - open up a new kind of journey—one that is alive with the possibility of encountering the mystery of Christ in the unlikely places of our own lives