prayer moment

Let us not be content to pray morning and evening, but let us live
in prayer all day long. Let this prayer, this life of love, which
means death to self, spread out from our seasons of prayer, as from
a centre, over all that we have to do. All should become prayer,
that is, a loving consciousness of God's presence, whether it be
social intercourse or business. Such a course as this will ensure
you a profound peace.
- Francois Fenelon

earthquake moment

some people I love hugely are going through a tumultuous time .........
something caused an eruption on the weekend -
this eruption has turned into a massive earthquake
and the fallout is wide

just like in the natural
an earthquake reveals a hidden fault line
so it is in the spiritual
and much is being revealed

the surprising part
is that this all has surfaced a fear in me

not sure what the fear is all about
but while listening to words falling with a massive fury yesterday
I became very afraid ..........
physically afraid

of what

of whom

the collateral damage to this particular earthquake is sobering

sometimes we are asked to say hard things
to point out a piercing truth
and sometimes this truth can pierce so deep
it smashes a relationship

and all I can hang onto is the fact
that I must always care most about an individual's relationship with God
and be willing to risk that individual's relationship with me

very much a
he said
she said
situation right now

I know enough
to know
the truth is always somewhere in the middle
sometimes hidden underneath the middle

right now there are these huge boulders blocking the middle
and these boulders have sharp edges
and these boulders can crush

and I am not looking forward to the excavation process
but I am looking forward to light penetrating darkness ...........
true light penetrating all darkness

pollute moment

when I was in training
back in the '60's
there were still a lot of unknowns
working with radiation

we were given badges by the govt
so that our exposure would be monitored
however
while doing research after hours
we took our badges off
to avoid personal radiation counts building up

which meant many many times
I was over exposed

nothing visible on the outside
but radiation seeped into each cell
each organ
each muscle
each bone
slightly altering everything
slightly changing everything
and even now still destroying who I am

but there is something far more dangerous
far more insidious than radiation
a danger that attacks our souls

if a concerted effort is not made to keep this danger out
the very core of a person can be poisoned
and destroyed

scripture says out of our bellies will flow rivers of living water
if we are not vigilant
poison can creep into each and every tiny crack
of our personal well
contaminate
poison our water
stop the flow
turn the river into sludge
contaminating our souls
plus the souls of anyone who drinks what we offer

I have heard messages about a false Christ
a false Spirit
a false God
and I do believe quoting scripture from the mouth
while the heart is in shadow
or darkness
creates an illusory safety
of standing in a false light

the plumb line must be true
a thought
a flirt
a touch
a desire
can shift the plumb line ever so slightly
just the tiniest bit
but just the tiniest bit erases the true
changes the light
pollutes the well

pearl moment

this whole face book thing is weird to begin with
but something happened recently that surprisingly triggered a deep pain ....

I have been quite careful to restrict access to my site - closing it as tightly as I know how -
only allowing "friends" access ............
and this word friends in relationship to face book is a whole other thought .........

earlier this week
a "friend" whom I had granted access to my postings
simply by agreeing to be "friends"
changed a lot of the pictures I had posted of my family ......
she thought she was doing a nice thing by prettying them up
putting words on them
framing them
changing their colors
and nothing she did was "bad"
but she had taken what I had posted
and changed them ...........
changed them to something different
something that I could no longer relate to
and then re-posted them on my site ..........
she did not mean any harm
I absolutely know that
but I felt violated
I felt someone had sneaked into my treasure box
and changed all my treasures
painted them
shaped them
printed upon them
with colors, shapes and words that did not come from my heart
and then these changed things displaced my original treasures
which were no longer able to be found

I know face book is public
I know once you post, whatever is posted becomes public
but now I really KNOW
I feel a loss
I was a bit angry at first
but then realized I was the one who had given permission for this
simply by posting ..........

and so, I have spoken with this one
and asked her to refrain from doing this on my site
I realize she now has these pictures copied on her computer
and can do whatever she chooses to with them
and I do not like feeling concerned about this
feeling a concern with a "friend"

the pain of all this was deep -
it took a day or two for me to figure out what was triggered in me

there was a moment a few years ago
when a "leader" of a ministry asked me to share my testimony ...
I did so
and he then proceeded to tear it apart
shred it
and tell me I had been deceived
that everything I had thought was beautiful and wonderful
and full of love
was only full of the enemy

all my treasures were thrown into the mud
and stomped on
publicly

we are warned about casting our pearls ............

I am withdrawing from face book
and will spend whatever hours are necessary
deleting all my pictures before closing my account

I realize it is a little like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped
but ..............

hopefully this time I will learn
to always be very cautious with my pearls.............

limit moment

writing starkly reveals the limits of my language

the sounds of words
and the silence of images converge
sometimes violently

iris moment

some months ago lying on my bed while recovering I was able to watch the iris in the bouquets over the period of a week as they slowly and graciously unfolded their gifts to me

each day a tightly furled bud would begin its slow-motion self-revelation until by the end of the day it would be in full expansion

next morning it would have closed in on itself only to allow the next bud positioned farther down the stalk to display its breathtaking beauty

the very being of the iris

their incomprehensible delicacy and extravagance

the furry petaled dip and curve of them

the modulations of color

the various textures of stalk stem stamen and pistil

all elegantly displayed themselves for my wonderment

there was a wordlessness to the experience that is impossible to convey

the iris simply were

they were inexpressible gifts

unique

unrepeatable

unforgettable

if only I could be present to really see and receive them

I knew I had never seen iris before

I was not sure I had ever really seen anything before

but now I knew

I had seen iris

edge moment

I realize that my faith and unbelief
are never far from each other
maybe it is exactly at the place
where they touch each other
that the growing edge of my life is

friends moment

as part of my readings through the entire Bible this year
I was in Job earlier this morning
and noted such a beautiful event .........

there was a time when Job's friends came alongside him
and they sat for a considerable amount of time
in total silence -
no one said a single word
no one tried to comfort
or fight spiritually
or provide insight
or condemn .........

they all simply sat in silence

the ministry of presence

later on of course these same friends grew impatient
with Job
and with God
and they started speaking .........

but it was when they were silent
such beauty of friendship was seen

we have much to learn from that example ....

a few years ago
when I was ill
some friends came by

one suggested that now I was "old and frail"
I should avail myself of meals on wheels ..........

another wondered about sin in my life
allowing my body to be attacked

some friends never came

but there were a few
who came and sat
in silence
just comforting me with their presence
with their silent hugs

the ministry of silent presence is loud

silent moment

silence is the process of coming to stillness

silent solitude forges true speech

wild moment

the fragile splendor of a wildflower stops me in my tracks
sucks the breath out of me
and opens me to a moment of awe
when I pay attention
and give myself to the moment

killing moment

recently while undergoing some medical tests
it was discovered there was something ugly
and dangerous growing away
hidden deep inside .........
not yet big enough to be noticed by the naked eye
not yet hugely altering how the body was functioning
just simmering away
quietly and slowly
extending its tentacles into everything around it

just like our amazing medical technology
enables one to see deep inside
and find hidden things

there are moments God allows
a "seeing" into the body of Christ

during a season in the midst of a community
I began to see something ugly
and dangerous
simmering away ..........
this was a cancer of jealousy ..........
hidden deep inside
not yet exposed enough to be seen by many eyes
not yet hugely altering how the body was functioning
just simmering away
quietly and slowly
extending its tentacles into those around

some others did not see it
yet began to feel its presence

and just like it takes time to develop a protocol
to treat a dangerous disease in the natural body
time had to be taken
to seek God's protocol for dealing with this particular disease

there are very few things
more destructive than a silent cancer
cancer can kill

there are very few things
more destructive than a simmering jealousy
jealousy can kill

what is seldom understood
is that jealousy
although projected outward
is already killing the person infected with it

serene moment

we walk to lakes
to see our serenity reflected in them

when we are not serene
we do not go to them

Henry Thoreau

womb moment

into the compassionate womb of your love
oh God
I bring my deepest needs
my strongest hopes
my greatest fears .........

insightful moment

"I think that when people say they're lonely,what they're really saying is that they don't like their own company. And something should be done about that, because if you don't like your own company, then you're the victim of whoever passes by."

Diana de Vegh

false moment

living out of a false self
creates a compulsive desire
to present a perfect image to the public
so that everybody will admire us
and nobody will know us

Brennan Manning

answer moment

how we answer
depends upon which question we hear

until and unless we hear God asking
do you know I love you

we are unable to answer Jesus question
do you love Me

we cannot give what we have not received

only once we receive the love of God
can we give that love back to Jesus

for God's love is perfect
and Jesus deserves nothing less

if we only offer Jesus our imperfect love
this second love
that has been modeled for us
by parents, friends,
well
that is truly sad ...........

that is a religious love
from an anorexic body

words coming from a mouth
that has lost its taste for manna
bread still warm from the oven of intimacy

door moment

while visiting my children and grandchildren on the weekend
one of the youngest was playing with the French doors
there came a moment he inadvertently shut the door
could not figure out how to open it
and found himself separated from us
I snapped the picture
and knew immediately God was speaking
deep into my spirit

from birth to the age of five
I was fatherless
I had no daddy

at five there came a moment when I met my father
it took some time for a bonding to happen
I felt comfortable with the word father
with the person father
but
never had a daddy

it is only in the past few years I have realized
how much this has affected my relationship with my Father
I am comfortably forever bonded with my Father
but there is this small child in me
that yet longs for a Daddy
an Abba

it is when the wings of my intellect are all folded into my heart
that this cry for Abba is loudest

and when I saw this picture
it showed me
that Abba is just on the other side of the door
I can even see Him
but this small child has not figured out how to open the door

the big me
the adult sized me
years ago
quickly joyously effortlessly
opened the door to my Father

but the small child of me
somehow cannot find the handle
cannot figure out how to open the door

and the cry is loud

well moment

like the woman at the well

if Jesus met me today

and began speaking to me about the wounded parts of my life

what would he mention first ..................

drawing moment

it is the gentle Whisper
that draws us to the mouth of the cave

it is the Voice
that tells us which way to go

stumble moment

people don't stumble over boulders
they stumble over stones
relatively small things