Monday, May 19, 2008

poustinia moment

although the calendar declared May
my winter season had been long crying out
for a poustinia moment
and at last

seeking the path where there is no trail
head bowed under drooping branches
carefully stepping around new life budding the forest floor
over and around the mossy rock

I was finally there ........

to discover I was not the only visitor

a messy little mouse has made himself quite at home
the birds again entrusting their nest to the window ledge
water quietly resting in the swamp
rocky hills echoing blackbird calls

it was silent inside

I saw the crack
in the closed door
I had never noticed it before
and this made me think of David
this gentle worshipper
far off in England
whose eloquent words about cracks
I quoted a year or so ago in this very blog
who has recently entered
and so enriched my life

shoes off
head down on the well worn desk
the tears finally came
there are not many places
where it is safe to cry
where no one will try to make it stop
make it better
to ease their own discomfort

like an unplugged well
the hot saltiness of grief
poured out
the rain falling
like a steady drumming
was strangely comforting
as if all outside was grieving with me
and the more I cried
the more I needed to cry
then it slowed
and stopped
and I heard singing

lost in wonder
I rested
only when peace filled my spirit
my soul
and my body
I left

I left the building
but not the poustinia

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