poustinia moment

although the calendar declared May

my winter season had been long crying out

for a poustinia moment

and at last

seeking the path where there is no trail

head bowed under drooping branches

carefully stepping around new life budding the forest floor

over and around the mossy rock

I was finally there ........

to discover I was not the only visitor

a messy little mouse has made himself quite at home

the birds again entrusting their nest to the window ledge

water quietly resting in the swamp

rocky hills echoing blackbird calls

it was silent inside

I saw the crack

in the closed door

I had never noticed it before

and this made me think of David

this gentle worshipper

far off in England

whose eloquent words about cracks

I quoted a year or so ago in this very blog

who has recently entered

and so enriched my life

shoes off

head down on the well worn desk

the tears finally came

there are not many places

where it is safe to cry

where no one will try to make it stop

make it better

to ease their own discomfort

like an unplugged well

the hot saltiness of grief

poured out

the rain falling

like a steady drumming

was strangely comforting

as if all outside was grieving with me

and the more I cried

the more I needed to cry

then it slowed

and stopped

and I heard singing

lost in wonder

I rested

only when peace filled my spirit

my soul

and my body

I left

I left the building

but not the poustinia