very cool moment

the last few days have been not so great
BUT
today there was a very cool moment

while posting this morning
I suddenly was into another's space

a bit annoyed at first
in losing what I had written
I was absolutely astounded to see
that I knew the author of this blog

the writer is someone
whom God placed deep in the bucket of my heart
several years ago

stuff happened
life intervened
this person went underground for a bit
and was silent

I was very sad
thinking the connection had been forever lost

I asked around a bit
poked and prodded a few places
but there was just
silence

and today
in cyberspace
we bumped into one another again

now I will read
and listen
look
and learn
of the things that have taken place
since we last communicated

the unfolding of this moment
has brought much joy
and I marvel at the Owner
of the finger
that pushed a button
and found again
what had been lost

this has been a very cool moment

weird moment

and so another
strange and weird day ........

this building
has been my home
for almost 30 years

and now strangers
come in
with a desire to place a monetary value
on a house

they look at the walls
and the roof
but completely miss the heart
of this home

it is here
beating quietly
filled with memories
of babies
friends
songs
words
grandbabies
prayers
dinners
breakfasts
worship times
silent hours
laughter
and tears

yes
it is true
there are some sad memories too
but mostly memories that speak of life
and hope

and how can you place a monetary value
on such a heart

and what will happen to this heart

will I still feel it
when under another roof
and between other walls

savoring moments

thinking about Jesus
while sitting by the pond at dawn
with the rabbit nestled against my foot

setting up the living room
that so easily accommodates
all those who gather on Tuesday mornings

noticing Norm's empty chair

walking around the gardens
noting all the plants
remembering why and when
each one was planted

looking at the daffodils and missing Marianne

marveling at the tree
which all the experts said
should have died seven or eight years ago

listening to the birds call to one another
and then watching as they splash together

laughing as the squirrels gallop along the wire

walking to the river with my amazing neighbour

sitting under the prayer tree in the late afternoon

dinner on the deck
with only the music of the waterfall
in the background

lying in the hammock
as day ends
and evening begins

I have been very blessed
with all this abundance
and perhaps it is a good thing
not to get too used to it

there will be blessings
in simplicity as well
because the Blesser
will be with me

it is just
there is so much change
so fast

leaves me feeling a bit whirry ....

sin moment

this has been a most interesting
revealing
sad
sad
day

sin has been committed
within a body

and because
we are a body
every single one of us
is feeling the ramifications of that act

and some are now finding the easiest
thing for them to do
is point the finger

not inward
but outward

and the blame game
the accusations
are filling the air

instead of reacting with a
search my heart oh God

there are some who are saying
this would not have happened if ...........

if you had not left
if you had stayed
if you had told us
if you had shared what you saw

and this hurts
this really pierces

and I have a much greater understanding
of some in old testament times
who spoke what they saw
and what they heard
and yet were disregarded

some were physically stoned

there are those
who have reached
quickly for a verbal stone this time

yet now it is time to stay silent

the words have all been said

I wonder if any were heard
but at least I know
they were all said

wedding moment

today
there is a wedding

yesterday
we decorated the sanctuary
gave thought to the order of the service
prepared the food
laughed
cried a bit
and laughed again

this young man
who is to be married in two hours
born profoundly deaf
will today
hear
the vows spoken to him

only my God could have arranged this
only my God would be so thoughtful
so tender
so magnificent
so thorough

touched by the Master
hearing the sounds of His creation
for the first time

filled again with hope
and seeing a future on his horizon

the Guest of Honor
will be honored
at this ceremony

today
there is a wedding

washing moments

some moments of yesterday afternoon
were spent in a palliative care centre

this is a wonderful place
operated and managed by a family of Sisters

I sought permission
to visit and simply wash the feet
of the ones who had no visitors

realizing this would be somewhat of an unusual request
there was no surprise
when the supervisor
in turn sought permission from her superior

very quickly
a lovely gentle twinkling eyed woman
asked me into her office

we talked
I shared what the Lord had put on my heart
and her only request was
that she be allowed to hold the basin for me

I quietly suggested she have her own basin
and her own towel

and so we entered the ward together

at each bedside
permission was requested
from those who understood
or from family members present

and for a few hours
fifty one pairs of feet
were held
and washed

and no one refused
and even those not truly understanding
seemed to somehow know
and find peace in being touched

it would have taken more basins than we had
to hold all the tears that came unbidden
from many eyes

such a deep deep privilege
to wash these feet
as they travel a path
that is bringing them
so near the Master

and afterwards
my newest friend and I
went together to the chapel
and knelt together
soaked with our own tears

holding hands
we gave thanks
for receiving such a blessing
this day

and my cup is very very full

tender moments

and so
my lovely Jesus
did have plans for yesterday ......

just before noon
came the unexpected
but welcome phone call

a hurting, puzzled couple
asking if I could spend some moments
with them

we had a coffee
and another
as they shared

their world
in a disturbingly familiar turmoil

after a bit
double chocolate moo-lattes in hand
we went to the river's edge

where eventually
the pain
of the boy
who had grown into the man
was released

there is always safety in the truth
whether it be knowing God's truth
or knowing the truth about yourself

peace came with the understanding
calm came with the insight
hope came with the truth

the goliath on the inside
identified

at one point
this gentle man asked
how I could be so content
with all that was going on in my life

I thought a bit
and then shared
that my contentment was found
in a towel
rather than a title

and these were good moments
to be with Jesus
and His friends

wednesday moment

two thoughts are roaming
within my spirit this morning


the boy grows into the man
and
our Goliath is usually found on the inside


not sure where this is all leading
but
I do suspect
today's journey
will be interesting
dotted with God's revelations

and I recall Hans' words from last summer

watch for the signs
there is no trail

and so I watch for
the signposts of the Lord
while
seeking the path
where there is no trail

ordinary moments

spent the weekend at the cottage
the weather was wild
complete with hail
and snow

in the midst of it all
I was struck by
the radiance of the ordinary

and can only wonder
at my God
who is so meticulous
and who has such an amazing imagination

another heron moment

have you seen

a heron

dance

in the moonlight

or

the very early dawn

the clouds open

as a stage door

the trees gently swaying

in rhythm

wind moments

there are moments

when I go to the shore
wait for the breeze
lean into its whistling embrace
and surrender everything

some moments
the wind roars
and I roar with it
until breathless
and still

and some moments
I like to dance barefoot
in that wind

until the sun rises up
and stops me

and I breathe deeply
take it all in
take the sun and the wind
into my lungs

bringing harmony into this body of mine

and a great peace comes over me
and I am one
with the pines
the wind
and the rocky shore

wise moments

some moments yesterday afternoon
were spent with new friends

I listened
marveling at the wisdom
wondering at the huge privilege
of being included

an elderly Cherokee native was talking about life

he said
a fight is going on inside me
it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves

one wolf is evil
he is fear
anger
envy
sorrow
regret
greed
arrogance
self-pity
guilt
resentment
inferiority
lies
false pride
competition
superiority
and ego

the other is good
he is joy
peace
love
hope
sharing
serenity
humility
kindness
benevolence
friendship
empathy
generosity
truth
compassion
and faith

this same fight is going on inside you
and inside of every other person too

the others thought about this for a moment
then one asked

which wolf will win

this wonderful old Cherokee simply replied

the one you feed

soaring moment

I was asked last evening how I was feeling
and I could not really find the words

although encased in a body
that seems to have its own will
that wishes to move at its own speed
and impose many limitations
with feet that stick to this earth

inside
my spirit is soaring
responding to the call

come up here

mango moment

a friend was telling me Friday
of the mango tree

this tree is pruned when in full bloom
heavily laden with fruit

apparently the abundance of fruit
poses a danger to the tree
there is the possibility of the trunk weakening
under all the weight

so, this tree is pruned when at its most magnificent
externally appearing wonderfully healthy

after pruning
the tree appears dead
and rather ugly


and so it is with sheep

it is when the sheep are rounded with wool
when they have a most delightful appearance
that they are pruned or sheared ...........

and it is that very wool that can pose danger

the weight of the wool can cause a sheep
to stagger or stumble

if one should fall on its back
it is unable to get back up
and death can occur
unless the shepherd notices
and is able to set the animal back on its feet

interesting too
that when sheep are freshly sheared
they are most vulnerable to disease
and insect infestation

the shepherd
liberally pours oil
on the head and nose
of sheep
to deter bugs

and all this has caused me to think
of how we too are pruned
by the hand of our shepherd
the hand of the gardener of our souls

there is a danger to us as well
to be surrounded by abundance

there is the temptation to
spend more time maintaining the abundance
than ensuring good health
a strong relationship
with the source
of the abundance

so we must be careful how we look at things

we can marvel
at one who is in the middle of great abundance
and perhaps
be a little envious

or we can look at one who appears
a little barren
rather ugly
dead
and perhaps
dismiss them
as useless

we can try to run
and avoid our own pruning

or we can accept
and find joy in the fact
we are being readied
strengthened
to bear the weight
of the coming fruit

thanks to Alan K for the photos

tulip moment

Scott said,
Andrea, have you looked at a tulip?

so one day I looked at a tulip
it was near the end of its season

what once had stood tall and proud
now a little wilted

the color
once vibrant and glorious
now slightly faded

the leaves
once strong and green
now hung limply

the stem
once supporting the birth of spring
now dejected
slightly bowed

I looked again

the petals
each one an individual
each one so beautiful
each one so gently curved

standing so close at the base
striving to join at the top
protecting that inside

I peered into this still living cup
and saw the stamen
in all its strength

as I leaned closer
the petals all fell

I held this stamen
and was surprised to note
it was made of three

three so intimately connected
they could not be separated
they were three in one

I noted the very top of this stamen
had a shape to it

it was the Cross

the tulip
created by Him
showing us again Who He Is

sanctuary moment

thought I would share
where we will be having church
for the next few months
and extend an invitation
to any who would like to come along

this is our sanctuary
no committees need be struck
to decide the carpet color

the magnificence of the surroundings
beats any stained glass window I have ever seen

everyone is welcome

we gather
coffee in hand

the aroma of the friendship
mingled with the sounds of the guitar
travels through the woods
on the arms of the breeze
bringing in everyone within reach

it is a simple place
where one can easily sing
how great thou art
and
majesty
and
holy is the lamb

there is sharing of what God is saying
for the moment

there is communion
with one another
and with our creator

and we have church

ah moment

unaware of the fragile and delicate state
of my present status in my fellowship
a friend called this morning
asking if I would assist him with something

when I hesitatingly explained
that sadly I was in transition
his immediate response was

"ah! transition - the most difficult part of labour"

and those simple words
have filled me with hope
and excitement

labour can be endured
knowing it will produce life

two days ago my joy returned
and now
I feel an approaching new life ........

my prayers are only
that this impending birth
will be received by clean hands

not hands that are sterile
but hands that are clean
and intertwined
with a pure heart

joy moment

last evening
there was a suddenly of God moment
as our house group was readying to leave

I had felt a few bubbles over the past week
but suddenly
joy returned

after so many months
and so many tears

there was joy

and it is so welcome

it bubbled
and gurgled
all night long

and continues even now

life is pretty empty
when there is no joy

and today
I feel very very full

I am deeply deeply grateful
to the One
who gives me joy

goodbye moment

Norm died last Thursday
shortly after one

closed his eyes one final time
and found his peace

his lungs so filled with cancer
no room left for air
he stopped trying
and entered rest

he was a good friend

I loved his laugh
and his twinkling eyes

he would not speak
of his beginnings
but his ending was magnificent

never complaining
never expressing sorrow

simply trusting
in this man Jesus
whom he had come to know
later in his life

and now there is this hole
to be filled with memories
and love

today
on the altar
a dark green marble urn
contained the ashes of his body
but was way too small to ever contain his heart

he did have a false leg
but he was completely real

his chair will sit empty
on Tuesday mornings

the knowing of Norm has been very good

I am not sad
just a little lonely

new moment

if you listen
to the smallest flower
growing from a crack
in your heart
you will hear
a great song

heart moments

blogging is weird
words are put "out there"
anyone can read and comment

or not

and those who read
can read with a tender heart
or with mocking, derisive eyes

and you know that when you post
and yet .........

and for me
the words
are not just words

they are little pieces of me
little pieces of my heart

my ponderings
wonderings
wanderings

are

me

and it is a little frightening
to realize
these pieces
of me
might not be touched with hands
that are always clean

these little pieces
of me
can easily be tossed away
mocked
stomped upon

and
in the knowing
that more and more
have discovered
and are reading
my heart renderings

there is a wondering
about continuing

and yet

it is a blog

and it is out there
and I am the one who puts it out there

and as I pondered all these things yesterday

this lovely young woman came to my door

we have been meeting weekly for nine months now
to pray
and share
and learn
of each other
and of Jesus

I had early become aware
that when she was very young
her mom had died

and yesterday
she cried
sharing that
she had always wanted to have a mom

she held my hands
and asked
if I would be her mom

and I thought of what she asked
and how she asked
and why she asked

and how brave she was to ask

and I thought of the choices I had

and all of a sudden
blogging
was not so fearful

friends moment

sometimes sorrow overwhelms us and it is hard to find joy
life seems a cup
filled to the brim
with loneliness and disappointments
and this is when our friends remind us
that crushed grapes can produce tasty wine

friends
gifts from God
sign posts on our journey towards His unlimited and unconditional love

friendships create a beautiful tapestry of love
and I am deeply blessed to be warmed and sheltered within a circle of friends

we gardened together yesterday

dug weeds
and planted seeds

both in the garden behind my friend's home
and in the garden of one another's hearts

we sat on the rocks
and sang to our God

we laughed
we cried

there were hugs
and there were challenges

the love we have for one another
wove even tighter
so tight
at times
it is hard to see where one strand ends
and another begins
in this tapestry
of friendship

ending moments

there is something so sad
and lonely
this particular season

having already realized
as we are no longer in town on weekends
it is no longer possible
to have our Sunday 'round the table gatherings

that has ended

the seven year season in our church fellowship
has come to an end

and then last evening
as our house group met here
we discussed
which Monday night would be our last
for the season

and my heart cries
why all the endings???

this is spring
a season of beginnings
of new life

why is everything ending?

and I can only live in the hope
that seeds are simply going dormant
resting
to bloom again in October

perhaps I will experience my spring
in the fall

alone
on my knees
this early morning
I listen and watch
for the One who has promised to be with me
through this particular fog

a thump moment

this was very much to be a doing weekend
but I took a moment
during the very early morning of Sunday
just to be

with coffee in hand
I slipped away to the dock

there was a heavy foggy mist
blanketing everything in its hush

the air was crisp
the water perfectly still

the steam from my coffee
mingled with and became lost in the fog

it was lovely just to sit
just to be

suddenly
there was a heavy thump beside me
a heron had silently arrived
and now stood quietly at my side

and I thought about my Jesus
about how He silently arrives
to stand quietly at our side

the fog of the circumstances might not change
but there is such comfort
in the knowing
there is One quietly standing at your side

and I thought about the weight of His Presence

there are times
you just know
He is with you

and there are times
you actually feel the weight of His Presence

the thump of the landing heron
I did not see or hear him coming
he said not a word
and never moved

but the thump let me know he was beside me
and together we waited for the dawn
and the warmth of the sun

and only when the fog had lifted
and everything was filled with light
did he leave