Wednesday, November 09, 2005

desert moments

it was the anguish of the broken body that aroused my anguish
a terrible feeling of confusion
inner agitation
a sense of death and emptiness
the quiet grace of communion with God disappeared
and I wondered if it had only been an illusion
now replaced by an overwhelming inner turmoil and pain,
the discovery of my own terrible brokenness hidden under my capacity to do things,
hidden under my knowledge and intelligence
hidden under my casualness, security and humor
hidden even in times of prayer

I knew I could either run away or discover who I really am
I knew I was very close to learning how to "do" ministry
the very way we have learned how to "do" church

I needed to be born again in Truth
and my gentle guide through all this is the Paraclete
the One who answers my cry
in the embrace of mercy and misery.

the Spirit blows so quietly over my earth, that if I am not attentive
I run the risk of not recognizing the Presence of God -
He is hidden in the cave of my being.
He promises that I will find Him there.

God told me that I had to seek the path where there is no trail
but I am discovering His signposts in the people He brings alongside.

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