balance moments

my challenge these days is how to remain balanced
no matter what centrifugal forces tend to pull me off centre
how to remain strong
no matter what shocks come in at the periphery

perhaps the first step
is to simplify my life
cut out some of the distractions

but how

I cannot permanently inhabit the poustinia
I cannot be a nun in the midst of family life
nor would I want to be
I cannot totally renounce the world
nor can I totally accept it

there must be an alternating rhythm between these two extremes
a swinging of the pendulum between solitude and communion
between retreat and return

there is little empty space in my life
all space has been scribbled on

all time filled

so few empty rooms in my life
in which to stand alone
and find myself

too many activities and people and things
too many worthy activities
interesting people
and valuable things

it is not only the trivial that clutters my life
but the important as well

it is possible to have a surfeit of treasures
where one or two would be sufficient

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I go to the beach
and become like the beach
bare
open
empty
today's tides erasing all of yesterday

I lie empty
open
choiceless as a beach
waiting for a gift from the sea

seeking that the outward
and the inner
be one

an inner
and outer harmony

seeking to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace
from which to function and give

to achieve balance in the midst
of the contradictory tensions of my life

to have a single eye