wounded moments

some moments were unexpectedly spent this afternoon
in the presence of a deeply wounded soul
with a horrific story

there was a death of God in the soul
of a child
who suddenly faced absolute evil

those moments murdered God
and his soul
and turned all dreams to ashes

no longer even able to lament
existing without love or mercy

nothing but ashes

a false self is born when children are not loved well
or are rejected
or abandoned

a false self that suppresses or camouflages feelings
making emotional honesty impossible
with a tendency to live so everyone will admire you
but no one know you

it is possible to hide from one's true self
even through performance in ministry
rationalizing that if the majority of Christians think well of us
there is nothing wrong with us
and we stagger into each day
with an insatiable need for affirmation

hastening toward the end of our life
with the marks of disillusionment on our face

like a baby struggling for warmth

a withered tree
in a field of wheat