day twenty moment

"when we look at his cross, we understand his love
his head is bent down to kiss us
his hands are extended to embrace us
his heart is wide open to receive us"
Saint Augustine

my heart open
my shoes off
I wait for God to speak

"and they took Jesus therefore
and he went out bearing his own cross"
John 19:17

the road narrow
the city filled with pilgrims

3 prisoners
only one of whom has been beaten and whipped
one in searing pain
walking with blistered feet
fevered
dazed

collapsing on the street
the wood landing heavily on top of him

Simon, simply one of the crowd
ordered to help
the remainder of the way to Golgotha

Simon
an ordinary father
now assisting the Son of another Father

the chilling cries of women fill the air
weeping and wailing for the one who cannot carry his own cross
who are these women Jesus summons enough strength to address
"don't weep for me - weep for yourselves and your children"
the crowd is hushed in their struggle to understand

what does Jesus feel towards those who mourn
and yet will not repent

the pharisees with their phylacteries containing the sacred words of scripture
flank the procession on either side
and the living word of God moves outside the city gates
with only a hill left to climb.

if I were in that street
would I offer to carry his cross
would I wail with the women
would I kneel and offer him a drink
would I look into his eyes and tell him of my sorrow about his suffering

today
I mourn and wail
at the sight of his mutilated back
and pummeled face
knowing I am the reason for his journey
down the via dolorosa
knowing it is the weight of my sin
not the weight of a wooden beam
that hurls him to the ground

I mourn
for what else can I do