figuring it out moment

at last
I think I finally have an analogy
that I can wrap my head around

there is a divorce
the dad
the head of the family leaves

although lots of whispering
and wondering
no one is allowed to ask any questions
talk about what happened
or even about what led up to it

the family is still together
just no dad around the table

a visiting "uncle" arrives
just for awhile
to help bring some stability to this floundering family

suddenly
the visiting uncle
has moved in
unpacked his bags to stay
and it is evident this never was a visit

and the family feels somewhat duped

still no one is allowed to ask questions

now uncle is dad
and the new dad introduces into the family
his plans
his dreams
his goals
but also his pains
past wounds
past failures

and the family starts to feel the pressure
of unfamiliar hands reshaping them
in an unfamiliar way

and I guess I am just one of the daughters
in this now blended family

I still love this family
but the blend doesn't feel quite so comfortable

I don't understand the desire to go bowling
as opposed to sitting 'round the table
and touching one another

and perhaps it is not good to be too comfortable in any case

and perhaps it is time this daughter moved out
and found another table to sit around

the family will still be the family
there will be visits and hopefully hugs

but

I need to start packing my stuff
and look for open arms
and an open door .........

it is not all that easy to pack up
and I must be careful not to take along anything
that I should leave behind

it is important to travel lightly
with open hands
and a soft heart

and I realize I am very tired of moving
I do not like being a vagabond
I think there could be some danger in being a vagabond