risk moment

the time comes
when the risk it takes to remain tight in a bud
is more painful
than the risk it takes to blossom

year end moment

this year must die
to allow the birthing of the next

this year
has been full
a time of pregnant anticipation
an intensity of labor
the necessity of surrender

this year
has been one of enlargement
expansion of my family through marriage
expansion of my heart through the Hand of the Father

this year
brought a new intensity of Him
the searing fire of His very nearness
the brilliance of His person
the freedom to dance in the wind of His Spirit

this year
provided the opportunity
to step out of my boat of all that was comfortable
and walk solely on the sea of His Promises

this year
I heard again the horses
felt their strength
shook with their passion
was one with their urgency

this year
birthed a moment to trust
stand exposed in the light of Him
and allow the camouflage to fall

this year
I saw Him through the hands of friends
heard Him through the words of friends
watched Him through the lives of friends
felt Him through the arms of friends

this year
I found Him in the deepest valley
sang with him on the highest mountain
and waited for Him when I could not find the path


this year
I say again

Lord
my Shepherd
my Guide
my Friend
I feel Your heart beat as You carry me close to Your breast
and provide for my needs

Father God
You give me precious times of rest in the lush pastures
whose very greenness speak of life

You kindly lead me away from storms of the day
to the still waters where You revive my spirit

You faithfully guide me along the path of safety and truth
to bring honor and glory to Your Name

You
in Your gentle strength
take me by the hand through the deepness of the shadowy valley
and I am not afraid
Your might and authority bring me peace

I behold the table You prepare for me
this table that proclaims the promises of Your covering
I discern it even in the nearness of those who would bring me harm
and kneel so the cup of my life may spill over with the oil of Your Presence

Your promises, Lord God Almighty, will sustain me
and I will abide in Your sanctuary always

and what of this year being born
this year so near at hand

all I know is

the King is in the land

Thursday moment

Evangelism exists because worship doesn’t

David Ruis

open moment

2007 lies open before me
a huge unwalled garden
full of flowers
full of weeds

where will I enter this garden

how will I find my way

what will I have learned when I finally plumb its depths

if I follow a path already made
I will be following someone else's path

pregnant with words barely mature enough to be birthed
there is a knowing deep within
this is the year I am to tell my stories
without fear of touching the still damp soil
from which new life is born

separation moment

yesterday
I was invited to sit at another's table
to gather around the turkey

and while the food was amazing
and abundant
it was the moments
of a particular conversation
that gripped my heart
and was my most treasured gift

sitting in our midst
was a 30 something young man

there was a moment
when the conversation
turned to the question of choices

and he shared
that at this stage of his life
he has chosen
to reject Christ

he gave some of his reasons for doing so
and that he knew
those who believe in Christ
think he will go to hell
while they think they will go to heaven

and he is deeply hurt
in the knowing
that some think of him this way

and it is this very thinking
that causes a separation
between him and these others

and he lives in the pain
of this separation

and I heard the heart of Almighty God
who also lives in the pain of this separation

and I felt the pain of Christ
who came
not to bridge this separation
but to fill it with Himself

because if you build a bridge across chasm
the chasm is still there
but if you fill it in .............

I did not wish to invade the carefully placed
high-walled
broken glass topped boundaries
of this young man
these boundaries that loudly proclaimed
don't touch me

all I could do
was hug him in my heart

the unspoken question

can you love me
as I am
in the midst of my choices

lingered in the air
long after the conversation had shifted

and even today
fills my heart

it was a moment

I will never forget

a moment

was there a moment
known only to God
when all the stars held their breath
when the galaxies paused in their dance
for a fraction of a second
and the Word
who had called it all into being
went with all his love
into the womb of a young girl
and the universe started to breathe again
and the ancient harmonies resumed their song
and the angels clapped their hands for joy
power

greater power than we can imagine
abandoned
as the Word knew the powerlessness
of the unborn child
still unformed
taking up almost no space
in the great ocean of amniotic fluid
unseeing
unhearing
unknowing
slowly growing
as any human embryo grows
arms
legs
a head
eyes
mouth
nose
slowly swimming into life
until the ocean in the womb
is no longer large enough
and it is time for birth

madeleine l'engle

BEHOLD HIM

no room moment

yesterday

while with some friends

I asked where they were meeting

wondering if we could join with them

for worship this morning .......

the response was

that they were meeting in a home

and

there would be no room ............

and so I too

found no room in the inn

this day

cradle moment

pondering the cradle

in the shadow of the cross

for a few years now I have been overwhelmed by

and caught in the wonder

of the FACT

that Almighty God

the I AM

took the huge risk of encasing all of who HE IS

into a tiny seed

the size of a pin head

and implanting Himself into the womb

of one of His creatures .........

all of God in this tiny seed .........

and then in the fullness of time

being born into vulnerability -

dependent upon a woman for food and nurturing,

dependent upon a man for protection and guidance -

seeking love and life

through the body and arms of those He created -

and if He was willing to take that risk

can we do anything less

than seek Him

through the love and arms

of those who surround us

take a moment

touch someone today

find the Christ who dwells within

and celebrate Him

be silent

be still
alone

empty before your God
ask nothing

say nothing
let your God love you
that is all

quiet

still

be

rim moments

life constantly asks us to meet fear with love
not an easy thing to do

recently I spent the whole day talking about love
with people I love
and
little by little
we let each other peek into the caverns we live in
and try to climb out of

that experience led us to the rim of how we know the world
and ourselves
and each other

when at that rim
we can shy back down into what is familiar
but sometimes
like crabs crossing dunes
we find our way to the sea where all boundaries blur

whether we make it to the sea of each other
or shy back below the rim of what is familiar
often hinges on whether we follow love or fear

those who risk living beyond what rims them
discover that love will usher us beyond ourselves
strangely
beautifully

the attempt to be with each other
and to truly behold each other is
at once
familiar and new
shattering and healing
painful
and all-embracing

tuesday moment

may today there be peace within

may you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be

may you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith

may you use those gifts that you have received

and pass on the love that has been given to you

may you be content knowing you are a child of God

let this presence settle into your bones

and allow your soul the freedom to sing

dance

praise

and love

it is there for each and every one of us
Saint Therese of Lisieux

Bethlehem moments

deepen my longing

heighten my expectation

make pregnant my hope

I know that within my heart is a Bethlehem

a place where light shines with tender memories

a place where angelic voices sing loud and clear

a place of wonder and awe, delight and calm. …

God of December darkness and Christmas light

journey with me during these days

so that I may know and prize my Bethlehem moments

amen

finding moment

nothing within me this morning

wanted to seek my God

in a building

with walls

a roof

and a name on the door

and so I remained at home

alone

worshiping

the God who inhabits

the inner sanctuary of my soul

this afternoon

there is again

an intentional coming together

of the living stones

to share in fellowship

communion

worship

and food

together

we will celebrate

finding Christ in one another

and we will have church

we will be the church

we are the church

and we will be well fed

by the bread of His Presence

we will taste

eat

touch

drink

and be nourished

by Him

the I AM

Y'weh

Y'shua

Saturday moment

be silent

be still
alone

empty before your God
ask nothing

say nothing
let your God love you
that is all
quiet

still

be

pilgrimage moment

there is a craving in my heart
to be alone with God
in His immense silence

to be deep and high
in the mountain of His silence
this mountain that is covered
with the cloud of His mysterious Presence

it is God alone who calls me to this mountain

for in this silence

He has something to say

to climb this mountain
to the very top
where God abides
it is necessary to empty myself
before falling into His hands

but
before I can empty myself
I must look deep inside
and acknowledge
the words
the events
the emotions
of the past few days
and release each one

then arise
and start on this awesome pilgrimage

stranger moment

there is a growing deepening sense

of being a stranger
that where I really belong

is somewhere else

a hearing of a louder and louder voice
calling
come away

and when I ask
where

the answer is always
with Me

there is a risk of following
into the unknown
and in this incredible vulnerability
a choosing

intentionally
deliberately
to make myself vulnerable
and walk in that vulnerability

and I recall the moment

when God told Moses
to throw down the one thing

he still held in his hand

nothing to offer

except my uselessness
and my choice to be with Him
the choice that no one but Him

is likely to put any value on

even when I have no stillness of my own

to bring to Him
I can be met by God

in His stillness

eventually that stillness

becomes part of me

Sunday moment

after a bit of a hiatus
there was once again
a gathering around the table

while lovely to have the house full
the table groaning under the weight of food
the front hall filled with dripping boots
the air saturated with the sounds of many voices

I was saddened
that in our midst
was a bleeding shepherd
recently bitten by his sheep

and I again wonder
about the big teeth of the sheep
why these teeth are so eager
to sink into the skin
of one called to lead them

I have been told
a shepherd
when he rests
lies across the opening into the pasture
to protect the sheep within
from those
dressed in sheep's clothing
who would enter
from without

the shepherd at my table yesterday
while protecting his sheep
was bitten
not from without
but from within the pasture

and so we ate
we cried
we laughed
we touched

fingers caressed guitar strings
and we worshiped

and we were quiet in the Presence of the King

and we ate some more
laughed some more
cried some more

and after midnight
when the last went home
I thought of the different shepherds
who have sat 'round my table
with fresh wounds
from the big teeth
of biting sheep

and I was sad
because I am a sheep
and the ability to bite
is in me too

but for a season
this tender bleeding shepherd
will be sheltered
in the tent of our friendship
and when the wounds have healed
I wonder
if he will ever enter another pasture
for this is not the first time
his blood has flowed
because of the big teeth
of the sheep of his pasture

wonder moment

Wisdom

begins

in Wonder

Socrates

moments

God of beginning

and end

teach us to celebrate those moments

that connect us to you

and to others

nouwen moment

Why is it so important that you are with God

and God alone on the mountain top?

It's important

because it's the place in which you can listen

to the voice of the One who calls you the beloved.

To pray is to listen

to the One who calls you

"my beloved daughter,"

"my beloved son,"

"my beloved child."

To pray is to let that voice speak

to the center of your being,

to your guts,

and let that voice resound in your whole being.

Henri J. M. Nouwen

mountaintop moment

I have just returned
from spending three days
on the top of a mountain
in Vermont

face to face with my God
while being held
in the arms of His people

while climbing up this mountain
I understood in a new way
the importance of traveling light

how the weight of the things we carry
can slow us down
cause us to wonder
if the effort to reach the top
is worth it

how freeing it was
to lay it all down
on the top of this mountain
in the Presence of my God

I heard the voice
of my God
say my name
on the top of this mountain

I felt the touch
of my God
on the top of this mountain

it has been a humbling privilege
to be loved
by the body of Christ
on the top of a mountain
in Vermont
in the Presence of my God

after a long trip
from another land
I was home
on the top of a mountain
in Vermont

ascend to the hill of the Lord

and stand in His holy place

Wednesday moments

I need to listen

in the spaces of quiet
relinquish all illusions of control
suspend all thoughts
leaving them detached
empty
ready to be penetrated by the Spirit
and trust my nakedness will be covered by kindness

the molding hands of God
hold all time
all moments
that are ripe for their intended purpose

it is possible to see the eternal
in the midst of the temporary

unwalled moment

if we throw up walls around our sensitivity

we will perhaps be polite and obedient

but we will not love

and when you do not love

there is no hope and no joy

love moment

love is the willingness
to give up a part of yourself
you think you know
to discover a part of yourself
you never knew existed

all that matters is what you love
and what you love is who you are
and who you are is where you are
and where you are is where you will be
when death takes you across the river

you can't avoid the journey
but you can wake up ... now
and see where you've been
and where you are going

Clarissa Pinkola Estes:
One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do

to intervene in a stormy world

is to stand up and show your soul.

Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times.

The light of the soul throws sparks,

can send up flares,

builds signal fires,

causes proper matters to catch fire.

To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these -

to be fierce

and to show mercy toward others,

both,

are acts of immense bravery

and greatest necessity.

Struggling souls catch light from other souls

who are fully lit and willing to show it.

If you would help to calm the tumult,

this is one of the strongest things you can do.

gift moment

sometimes the most difficult gift to accept
is the gift of ourselves
who we are
how we are
where we are

sometimes it seems
this gift of ourselves is
most often a rejected gift

there is a longing to be different
to look different
to sound different
to be in a different place
to be in a different season

and there too is the longing to be like another
a coveting
of another's gifts
another's ministry
another's life

which of course
if we were totally honest
means that we wish the death of another
so that we might have what has been given to them

there is this swirling of rejection
and covetnous
sucking the joy out of so many

resulting in a striving

instead of an abiding

l'Arche moment

again today

I had the wonderfilled privilege

of serving in the l'Arche community

I saw afresh the delight of the residents

as they receive the gift of one another

they continue to model for me

that before I can be caught

I must let go

and brave the emptiness of space

it is in the letting go

that I receive

and find safety

in unexpected places of risk

the only thing I have to do

is stretch out my hands

and trust

the outcome of the trust

given into the hands of the One

in whom the trust is placed

and thus I will learn to dance

amid the fragility of life

truths moment

the following 3 truths

have been extremely brilliant this day
while seeking the path
where there is no trail

JHWH
the name of God is so aweful
so unpronounceable
that it has never been used by any of his creatures.
Indeed it is said that
if inadvertently
the great and terrible name of God
should be spoken
the universe would explode
Madelaine L'Engle

Abram was a man who
in response to God's call in his life
was willing to let go of the world he knew
in order to embrace a life
that God himself would give him

Allan Gilman

you do not truly wash anyone's feet
until you are able to wash the feet
of the one who does not think of you
with thoughts of life

abiding moment

at the end of the day

poured out

simply abiding

sound moment

there was a lovely sound in our home Saturday evening
the sound of living stones coming together
touching one another
rubbing against one another
settling beside one another

it was a symphony
played and sung in perfect harmony

like the sound produced when a finger is run along the edge of crystal

the higher the quality of crystal
the purer the sound

the sound the other evening
soared

and the echo of it still rings in my heart today

Friday moment

and so the dance continues ....

yesterday
out of the proverbial blue
I received a call inviting me to an evening of worship and intercession
the caller believed that it was important that I attend
and he offered to come, pick me up, drive me out and bring me home

because of the respect I have for this person, I listened and accepted his offer

and so we went
out deep into the countryside
to a small 200 year old church

the living stones had gathered inside
surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses

the worship was intense and focused
the prayers were deep and passionate
the dance was powerfully beautiful
the cries were from the heart
the groans were groans of labour

there was an abandonment
that birthed a freedom to be all that God was calling for

there was communion

there was oil

there was prophecy

there was healing

there was deliverance

there was love

and in the midst of it all
there was Jesus

and shortly before dawn
I was driven home

amazed
and deeply touched
and filled with hope once again

dance moment

this week has been a struggle
and it is good to simply admit that

some days it has been hard to find
let alone taste my daily bread
however yesterday I ate and was filled
in the learning about myself

there was an invitation to spend time
with those who have gathered from across this land
and some from other lands

some I knew and some I knew only by reputation
but all I consider giants in their ministries

there was a time of listening to their vision
there was a time of listening to one another's heart
there was a time of listening to God's heart

a few years ago
I suspect I would have accepted the offer to come alongside
out of a personal need for affirmation
or sad to say perhaps even recognition

there is such freedom now in the absolute knowing of who I am
in the knowing of my purpose
in the knowing of my position

the freedom of being able to bless their vision
while declining their offer

the freedom and the peace and the solidity
of knowing where I am to be
in the hard times
and in the easy times
even in the lonely times

and I wonder about the jostling within the church
is it because most have not yet discovered their identity

some not dressed for where they are
because they are still wearing the clothes
of where they have come from

a greater desire to listen to another's opinion of us
rather than a determination to seek for ourselves
who we are
why we are
where we are to be
what we are to do
and how we are to do it

without that understanding
it is far too easy to follow every wind that comes along
and thus perhaps be blown completely off course

it is very true
dancing does come after mourning

today I am caught up in the dance
of this knowing
and it is very very good to feel the tight arms of the Dancer
as He leads me through the intricate steps of this journey

worship moment

worship is a candle in the act of being lighted

worship is the soul standing silent before the mysteries

worship is an eager heart seeking for the love that never fails

worship is man climbing the altar stairs to God

when we worship together we are part of a great, cleaving company who through the centuries have come together to worship a living God

today

the pillar of fire

is less visible

it is hidden

in people's hearts

there are times the wind fills the sails
times when we have to row
times when there is a huge storm

please God

put your arms around my shoulders

and your hand over my mouth

truth moment

frequently truth is silent

frequently those who speak out the truth are silenced

sadly the truth in each one of us can be silenced

by ourselves

all too frequently

fingernail moment

my heart was heavy this morning
sorrowed with the knowledge and sight of the broken body
to ease the crying of my soul
I decided to make bread
while kneading and rolling to shape the dough
I was suddenly flooded with the image of God
kneeling in the clay of His creation
as His fingers gently probed
scooped
pulled
and formed
man
then placing His mouth on the mouth of this man
He kissed him alive
filling him with His very own breath

as I saw and felt the dough of the bread under my fingernails
I realized afresh that the clay of me
is under the very fingernails of God

heart moment

last evening

approximately 3500 living stones

came together

with one heart

this morning

approximately 100 living stones

came apart

because there were two hearts

delightful moment

friends are wonder-filled gifts
each one special
each one to be treasured
each to be valued and honored and respected and heard

there are some friends who are a pure delight to be with
no matter how many moments have passed
there is always such pure joy

in the coming together

sitting across the table
seeing the eyes

listening to the words
of the present moment

the hearing of another's heart
is such a tender privilege

there is a fragility in the moment that is a little scary

I have been deeply blessed this day
to have been with such a friend

the wonder of being entrusted

with such a one

is a bit overwhelming

there is no fear in being touched

it is the touching

that brings me to my knees

abyss moment

What can we gain by sailing to the moon

if we are not able to cross the abyss

that separate us from ourselves?

This is the most important of all voyages of discovery,

and without it,

all the rest are not only useless,

but disastrous.

Thomas Merton

ring moments

I have been doing some traveling lately

while digging through the 28 years of accumulated stuff in the crawl space of our home I came across boxes of papers, pictures and letters which I had forgotten were hiding there

there was my dad's intelligence log from the war
pages and pages and pages of his 5 year journey through hell
words and sentences had been carefully cut out, very precisely
I suppose by a censor
so I had to guess some locations and events

there were his maps with blue stars scattered throughout
and scattered among the blue stars
were drops of red blood

there was a box of letters my dad had written to his parents
every word written on blue thin paper
inscribed in red on the top
"from the field"

each one had been carefully kept
and so I was able to read
his very personal five year story

and I cannot even imagine the words not able to be written

there are stamps from countries that no longer exist

and then there are the pictures
most of people I never knew
some have names
many have not

and there are the landing papers
of my grandfather's father
(or perhaps it is his grandfather
I have not yet figured it out)
chronicaling his first steps on American soil in 1815

there are wedding certificates
birth certificates
and death certificates

all telling a story
and these are all pieces of my story

I heard an illustration a few days ago
about the rings of a tree trunk
how each year is marked by a ring
and each new ring surrounds all the previous rings
a ring is never lost

how our lives
are are made up of all our rings
the good ones
and the not so good ones

the story of my life has been enlarged now
with all these new rings inside

it is important to explore our rings
to fully understand who we are

it is an interesting journey
I recommend it

wondering moment

have you ever wondered about:

the sound caught in the throat of a wooden bell

the unheard song shaped by fire

the truth in the flame of a trimmed wick

struggle moment

my greatest struggle

is the struggle

not to struggle

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

what the soul has to do

in the time of quiet

is only to be gentle

and make no noise

abba moment

it was in the garden

at the moment of His greatest maturity

that Jesus cried out

abba, abba

Monday moment

as I sit here at my computer

God is present

breathing life into me

and into everything around me

for a few moments

I sit silently

aware of His loving presence

and take the path inward

to stand before Him

Jesus moment

a friend introduced me to the following quote:

"Lord,

remember not only the men of good will,

but also those of ill will.

But do not remember all the suffering they have inflicted upon us.

Remember rather the fruits we have brought,

thanks to this suffering:

our comradeship,

our loyalty,

our humility,

the courage,

the generosity,

the greatness of heart that has grown out of this.

And when they come to judgment,

let all the fruits we have bourne be their forgiveness."

Found on a scrap of wrapping paper

at the liberation of Ravensbruck Concentration Camp

Thursday's moment

people see God every day

they just don’t recognize Him

truth moment

I am a child of God
a brother of Jesus
I am held safe in the intimacy of the divine love

it is necessary to live my life from that inner place of love
my greatest spiritual task
is to be so fully trusting that I belong to God
that I can be free in the world
free to speak when my words are not received
free to act when my actions are criticized,

ridiculed

or considered useless
free to receive love from people
to belong to God while giving of myself to people

today I pray Christ will pierce my heart
with the things that pierce His heart
to grant me the grace to look for Him
in the midst of the world's suffering
and that He will give me the faith to join Him there

the place of crucifixion was near a garden

l'Arche moments

I was invited tonight into a l’Arche community for an evening. Off and on all day I wondered about the invitation and what I had to offer to those who live in this community.
And now after spending three or so hours in their midst the truth is I indeed had very little to offer them but they sure modeled something hugely powerful to me.
The residents are adults who are severely physically, emotionally and mentally handicapped, some cannot speak and some never stop speaking, many have been either ignored or rejected by almost everyone who crossed their earlier paths – and yet they welcomed me with hearts and arms wide open. They offered their love without hesitation and with full expectation their love would be received and love would be returned. They touched, hugged and kissed with pure innocent hearts with no concern or even thought about being misunderstood. There was such transparency, such spontaneity, such realness and it brought our differences into stark focus.
I saw in a brighter light the size of my hesitation to take the risk of offering love or accepting love, the moments of touching I have missed for fear of being misunderstood, the times of not opening or offering my heart to another out of fear of it being rejected or crushed
this l’Arche residence overflowed with joy – there was much spontaneous song with no one ever worrying about being on key, or even singing the same song!
there was evident acceptance of one another, an acceptance not in spite of their differences but an acceptance with their differences
I have much to learn from this community and they have so much to offer. I was very moved and quickly accepted when they asked if I would come back next week

Thank you Jimmy, Bobby, Francine, Laura, Dorothy, big George and Sammy. The fragrant beauty of who you are will forever remain with me.

insightful moment

"If you want to build a ship,

don’t drum up the men to gather the wood,

divide the work,

and give orders.

Instead,

teach them to yearn

for the vast and endless sea”

Antoine de Saint Exupery

leaping moment

if the babe in your womb
does not leap
when you are with
the people who surround you
you are surrounded by the wrong people

sniff moment

there was a season

when David

walked amongst his people

unrecognized as their king

simply because he smelled of sheep

give a good sniff to those who surround you this day

love moment

love

is doing nothing

which bruises

another

seasonal moment

there are seasons

when the song of life

seems to be written

without breathing spaces

only a moment

this body
an earthen bowl
scooped from clay
to hold light

this body
a simple cup
formed and filled
to pour

this body
breath’s vibrations

over a reed
to speak

this body
but only for a moment

watching moment

there was a caressing of my heart
a soft touching of my cheek
he was gentle in his asking
will you watch with me
and we sat together at the edge of the night
watching through the dawn’s laboring
in its birthing of day
and he showed me the things of his heart
all the pastures
some green and some not
some healthy
and some filled with hidden thorns
some with hard ugly walls of pride
some with high fences of legalism
some with gates of ownership
some with monuments of self
and the shepherds
some asleep
some wounded and bleeding
some blinded
some crippled
some chained
some with their legs caught in toothy traps
and the sheep
wandering
looking lost
hurt
dying
some covered in the scars of being too closely shorn
some fighting
many just lying around their eyes glazed with apathy
and the lambs
confused
dangerously close to cliff edges
entangled in thorn bushes
and to each one
he bent low and spoke
sometimes a word of warning
sometimes a word of correction
sometimes a word of guidance, of direction
sometimes a word of praise
but each word spoken in deep deep love
and as he spoke
some shepherds and some sheep lifted their heads to hear
and some did not, there was no recognition of his voice
some nights we dance
some nights we sing
but this was a night of sorrow
of sadness
in the visiting of what is of what was to have been
and yet
it was all seen through eyes of such love
and there were the shepherds surrounded by the biting teeth of the sheep
and the shepherds in the midst of the sheep but not seen by the sheep
and sheep seen but not wanted nor accepted by their shepherds
although I could feel his burning anger at the things hidden in the shadows
his deep sadness at the heartrending bleating of the sheep
his eyes were soft in their knowing

defining moment

several times over the past few months
I have been asked to provide words to describe
"who I am"
for either a bio
an introduction
or a short blurb for a pamphlet
and it is always a struggle
to find the words
not words someone else wants to hear
but honest transparent words
that allows one to remain little

there was a stunning moment this weekend
when my son
took me into the midst of his circle of friends
and simply said
hey everyone - this is my mom

while hearing those amazing six words
which perfectly defined and described
I thought about the astonishing privilege it has been
to watch this boy child I had birthed
become such a beautiful gentle giant of a man

and this mom
is deeply thankful
for her son

and this is who I am

in moment

I have heard the music behind the words
I have listened to the song
which stirs and warms my heart
and gives hope and meaning to my life
with all that is beautiful
and all that is broken in me
I want to sing this song
even if my voice is weak
and sometimes wavers
so that others may sing it
and together we may sing a song of hope
to bring joy
where there is sadness and despair

off/on moment

confession time!
I am severely challenged when it comes to anything remotely techy - even the word remote gives me the shudders ........
one morning last week I unplugged my cell and was surprised not to hear its perky chirp - taking a quick glance I noted the absence of any light or any time display - even when I flipped open the cover there were no signs of life - several pokes at random keys failed to wake the thing up - even a not so gentle shake did not have any effect ........
I was about to hit the highway for an out of town gathering and being a bit cautious now with only one working eye I wished the security of a phone, "just in case" ... so before hitting the road I detoured into the store where I had purchased the phone last April to ask for help. There was a very nice young tattooed and eyebrow pierced boy/man behind the counter - I explained my predicament and handed him the phone. OF COURSE, he simply pushed a key and I immediately heard the familiar perky chirp. When I asked how he did that, he restrained himself hugely, after all he was dealing with a little old lady, and told me he simply turned the phone on.
I didn't even know it had an off button (I know - April !- extend me grace here) - who turned it off????????
this boy, who is another mother's son, explained that it turns itself off when the battery is low, to prevent total depletion - and I recalled the very very long call I had had the day before ...........
I am sure I made this boy's day and that he probably spent the evening in the bar regaling his friends ....
but
all this then soon afterwards played out in my life in a different fashion

there were a few extremely busy days, days of pouring out, one right after the other, after which I neared my total depletion point and my lights went out - I was definitely drained and absolutely not perky - I could not find, let alone push, my on button ...........
and some friends came 'round
and we worshiped
and we prayed
and we laughed
and we touched
and their care and their love charged up my battery
and their presence lit up and pressed my on button

sometimes, probably most times, it takes the community around us to help us find the right switch ...........

moments

it is not the number of breaths that count

it is the moments that take your breath away

shepherd moment

although grey and rainy outside
there was an abundance of sunshine and warmth
as 50 or so shepherds came alongside one another this morning
to eat, listen, share, speak, discover, worship
and just be
together

there was free admission of weariness
guilt
failure
loneliness
blessing
excitement
birth
anticipation

there were shoulders offered
arms opened
a rending of hearts

there were dancing feet
and wounded bleeding stumbling feet

and all came together
in the cleft of the Rock

some entered in easier than others
but all entered in

and it was lovely to see heads that had been bowed
lifted
eyes that had been dimmed
brightened
mouths that had been closed
opened

and this morning
we together were church
in the cleft of the Rock

very often
there are lean and terrible years
between anointing and crowning
with a treacherous valley lying between the two

there are many destined for authority
who never wear its crown
and there are many destined for authority
who seize power before they are ready

there are those who live for the praise of man
and there are those whose one and only desire
is to behold the beauty of the Lord

and it takes a coming together
to reveal
who is who

and it is an offered hand
that helps another up

and it is very sad
when the offer
is not able to be accepted

and all one can do is continue to love

it is
it must be
God alone who sets up one
and takes down another

laser moments

yesterday
very early in the morning
before the things of the day really began
a laser penetrated and burned away
a growth on my cheek
although hardly visible on the surface
it was said to be deep
and dangerous

like an iceberg
the part not seen
hidden beneath the surface
was where the danger lay

and so for a few days
I am walking with a visible wound
looking just slightly beaten up

while all around me
are those whose body may flourish
but at the same time
their soul withers

those who do not fit
where they are going
because they are still dressed
for where they came from

those still dwelling on the harms done them by man
thus amputating from their mind
the power of dwelling upon God

and I think of the laser of the Holy Spirit
how we need this white fire to roar through our lives
burning out what is superficial
frivolous
unimportant
leaving a core of love

we can still fly injured
given a little love

real moments

today held a few special moments
in the sun
when it was OK
and it was easy
to be real
because being real was all that truly mattered
and it was appropriate
it happened in the sun
in the light
in the warmth
where there was life

when the trembling sandals
of a fragile stone
were quiet
and still
and at rest

it was just a few moments
but some days
there are no moments
no sun
no warmth
no life

no moments
to hold a space for another's beauty
when they forget

grace
is when God puts a song
in the mouths
of those who most often don't expect to ever sing again

I read that recently
but it was only today
that I heard the song

pillow moment

have you ever been unable to sleep
tossing and turning
thoughts whirling
emotions tumbling
and then in utter frustration
flipped your pillow
only to experience that aaaaaaaaaaaah moment
when your cheek comes to rest on the cool side of the pillow

in this dry, sandstorm of a season
there were moments yesterday
when my heart found the cool side of the pillow

named moment

you are not an accident

even at the moment of your conception

out of many possibilities

only certain cells combined

survived

grew to be you

you are unique

you were created for a purpose

God has prepared a place for you

that is for you

and only you

to fill

come to His table

it is a father who gives his name to his children

consider this father whose name you carry

asking moments

Jesus

what would it sound like

if we allowed You to speak
what would it look like

if we allowed You to build Your church
what would Your horizon consist of

if we learned to looked beyond our fear of failure
what would Your dream be

if we stopped dreaming our dreams
what would Your manna taste like

if our mouths were not so full of junk food
what would Your song be

if we laid down our own idea of what worship is
what would You do

if we stopped all our striving

would You tear down the house
so as to rearrange all the stones

would You build walls
or would You build a city

the sheep are scattered
where are all the shepherds, Jesus

where are the ones who would weep
between the porch and the altar

where are the wailing women

where are the upright
who quickly lie down
so another might stand tall

Lord
although the words of God are read
there is a famine in this land
for the Word

we are such deep lovers of self
what would it be like
if we were deep lovers of God

if we removed the I, I, I
and became we, we, we

mist moment

by the ordering of God

a mist came down

upon the land

still moment

be still and know

thursday moments

the aroma of obedience

is sometimes

the song of sacrifice

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

what sort of shadow

will my life have left on this land

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

there are those who believe

that the seeking of solitude

is a withdrawal

and so miss

the entrance

that solitude brings

silent moment

there are those would pilfer your words

and wrap themselves in a cloak of pride

while speaking them

thus

it is very often better not to speak

and tempt another to sin

painful moment

I have this friend who is the source and love of my life and it is the delight of my life to spend time with this one.
I also have a circle of amazing women friends. We gather together weekly to explore one another’s hearts and corporately seek the heart of God.
Over the past few years I have been telling these ladies about my time spent in the woods with my special friend and so we planned a time of retreat with all of us visiting together.
I had taken care to ask each lady to come and to ask permission of the builder of the little house in the woods.
After what seemed like months of anticipation, everyone arrived at the lake and we together went into the woods to be with my friend. We ladies were so excited to be together that we sort of all fell through the door in laughter and giggly joy – and in our great delight in being with one another, we barely stopped to listen to the one whom we had come to visit and so he quietly slipped out. Very, very quickly I became aware of his absence and I was overwhelmed with shame, sorrow and sadness. I knew what I had done and I knew what I had not done. I had asked everyone but him if our visit would be OK and then once we casually invaded this little house, he was not recognized or listened to. For the first time ever I felt unsafe in this little house. For the first time ever I was aware of the darkness immediately outside this little house. For the first time ever I was concerned about getting lost in the dark woods. This had been my mistake, my wrongdoing and I knew it. It was three full agonizingly long days before I was ready to return, this time alone, to this little house in the woods. I was fearful my friend would still be absent and also fearful he would be there and what he would say. How could I ever express my sorrow – where would I ever find the language to adequately say I was so deeply sorry. So it was with some trepidation that I sought the path that has no trail and approached the door of the little house.
And I should have known he would be waiting, right at the door. As I asked his forgiveness he simply pulled me closer, wrapped his soft sweet, sweet presence around me and told me I was forgiven

and perfect love had cast out all fear

voice moment

Voice in the wind

foggy moment

unable to sleep, I got up early this morning to go to the river
it was somewhat appropriate I suppose
that the path was covered in a heavy fog
I knew in which direction to head and
even though I could not see ahead or even what was beneath my feet
I set my face like flint and headed out
I knew the water would be there
just could not see the path I was to take

it was only when the sun burned away the fog
and I still could not see
that I realized it was not only the fog over the land obscuring my vision
it was also my tears that would not stop
even in the warmth of the sun

and for now at least
the excitement of what must lie ahead
is heavily tempered
by grief
over what might have been

and while walking through this grief
I know that while I might stumble a bit
it is important that I not trip

too much death over the years
and I am yet very heavy with the pain of it
and through my tears
I see the tears of another
and through my pain
I feel the pain of another
and in the peace of the refusal to compromise, to settle,
I feel the lonely fears of another
and can only bow my head
and weep

with open hands

Wednesday's moments

leaves falling
dry and lifeless
dead before their time
widening cracks in the earth
breaking
tearing
a sighing escapes from deep within
there is a desperate thirst in the land
for reign of the Word

some roots are hard to disentangle without a death

sometimes you outgrow your home and must leave it in order to live

waterfall moments

it has been a waterfall of
words
sounds
colors
tastes
touches
tumbling in
so fast
there will be a bursting
if they cannot be released
fingers unable to even hold the pen
as it skips across paper
and it is right
these words are not mine to capture
and thus own
they come on the Wind
and go in the Wind
and all is as it should be


there is a vibrating
a tension
in the air all around
the Voice
that hovered over the deep
birthing the earth
wishes to speak
and the air cannot hold His words
until man decides
whether or not
to listen


so many leaves falling
birch
maple
oak
ironwood
beech
all falling together
filling the air
carried by the wind
and there is no suggestion
that they all be called by the same name


it is in the fall
as the land prepares to close for winter
that the trees are bent over
under the weight
of the promise of spring


the greatness of the weight of this season
is in direct proportion
to the narrowness of the path
upon which my feet have been placed


the water needed to survive the desert
is found in the midst of thorns
it is when the thorns pierce
that I am closest to it


Jesus
oh Holy One
I sing to you forgiven
and I come
I cry
I watch
I wait
I look
I learn

September 05 moment

heavily pregnant
awkward with its weight
she moves slowly now
pausing often
listening
watching
waiting
now and again bent over in the pain of impending life
and yet compelled to keep moving
fueled by the urgency
to find her stable
her place of birthing
the why accepted and no longer important
where
when
how
yet to be answered

September 01 moment

there is a wind today
that comes from the north
it is a struggling wind
that ebbs and flows
not sure yet of its heart
the flag
with its red leaf
is carried in this wind
but for a piece
a corner
that snags on unhealthy pride
crippling
the soaring of the leaf
causing a ripping
a bleeding
there is not yet a pure speaking of the heart
in this wind
that comes from the north

September 3 moment

there is an irritability in the air today

a moodiness

like a sulking child refusing to smile

colors muted

birds silent

a single duck stands one-legged on the rock

softly hidden in the shadow that drapes the land

this shadow does not dance

but stands as in mourning

the mist returns

yet I will trust in the darkness

and know

my times are held in Your hand